Bootlegging
by sealgaire
Summary: Post BDM, our crew are hired to bring the joy of alcohol to a planet under prohibition! Thrilling heroics will undoubtedly ensue. Rating it T for now due to the possibility of graphic violence and maybe sex(!)
1. Chapter 1

"_Captain_ Reynolds…" Badger smirked from behind his desk.

Mal didn't know how someone could _smirk_ their words, but Badger could. All of the short man's energy seemed to be devoted to exuding nonchalance and cool, But Mal could see he was more than a little rattled. His bodyguards looked a little more alert than they had been last time they had spoken face to face and they definitely had more guns than usual. Which was saying something in and of itself.

"I had some very interesting visitors a while back, smelled like feds, wanted to know some things about a certain ship with a certain crew… Took quite an effort on the part of the boys and me to convince them to leave, just wouldn't take no for an answer," He glanced significantly at a faded bloodstain on one of the walls. "Silly wankers. You started fighting that big war of yours again or sumfink?"

Mal, Jayne and River stood before his desk, Mal had on his very best don't-mess-with-me face, but inside his mind was whirring. _The operative must have known about him too, sent a team to see what he knew and get rid of him so he couldn't hide us. After Miranda no one must have followed up_. Deciding to keep Badger in the dark (It was funnier that way, knowing Badger would be living on the edge of his seat, wondering if more feds would come gunning for him) Mal replied.

"That issue's been taken care of, I came here under the impression you had work for us to be doing, but if all you want to do is chat, I'm afraid we're on the clock." He shot back.

"I don't understand you at all; the hardened ex-rebel turned outlaw with a crew made up of…" Badger jerked his head at River "Sweet young things like that? And I thought she was just your passenger anyway, why'd you go giving her a gun and stick her in head first with a bunch of unsavoury and disreputable men such as ourselves? A girl could get herself all kinds of messed up." Badger said with mock concern, grinning in a mildly lecherous fashion at River.

"Who is and who isn't on my crew ain't your concern, we'll be leaving now." Mal said as he turned on his heel and started towards the space between the cargo containers that lead to the main thoroughfare on the Eavesdown docks.

Badger let out an exaggerated sigh "Wait, there's a job. I was just trying to be friendly is all, haven't seen my ol' pal the captain in a while and all that. But since you're being this way I'll get to my point; I have some cargo needs a ship, booze."

Mal turned back and frowned at Badger. "Booze? T'aint illegal to transport that between worlds, unless its hot, but what kinda fancy hooch is worth stealing?"

Badger grinned, knowing he'd got the captain's interest. "Yes, not illegal to transport it, as a matter of fact it's legally bought this stuff is. Got papers for ya 'n all. It's where you're bringing it is the fun part."

"And that would be…?" Asked Mal.

"New Oceania" Smirked Badger.

_Again with the smirking! What I wouldn't give to be able to give that smug piece of go se a good kick in the ass! _Thought Mal. River gave him a sharp look, she must have sensed his desire and wanted him to keep his mind on business.

"Ah." Said Mal, "That sounds like a pickle, who the hell on that rock wants booze anyhow? They brought in them prohibition laws under a landslide referendum, if I'm rememberin' right."

River suddenly spoke; "New Oceania state Law, Intoxicating Liquors act C.E. 2510, Article 1: 'No person shall keep, sell, brew or otherwise manufacture any beverages with an alcohol content exceeding one and one-half per cent per volume. Article 1.2: Any person(s) attempting to manufacture or import into the jurisdiction beverages with an alcohol content exceeding the amount stated above shall be subject to a fine not exceeding 5000 platinum credits and shall be detained at the magistrate's pleasure for a term not less than eight months."

Badger and his goons looked at River in mild astonishment. "Well Yeah… that." Said Badger, still eyeing River suspiciously. "They don't take kindly to people trying to have a good time, nor those who endeavour to provide them with the means to do so." He put on a deeper voice, imitating a preacher, "The drink is a scourge, which blackens the hearts of men and drives them towards Satan" He smiled at his own joke and motioned at Mal and his crewmembers. "I am hiring you lot to get the sauce for my client's party onto that rock, he's offering a very good price for it. I like a good drink or six myself, but this fellow must really be trying to impress his mates to risk all that time in jail just for the chance to get smashed."

Details were hashed out, the percentages of the profits that Serenity's crew would take were argued over and River nearly gave of Badger's goons a concussion when he tried to look down her top. When everyone calmed down and the numerous guns were lowered and de-cocked, Badger stood up to shake hands with Mal, "Pleasure to be doing business with you once again, captain." He said, with less of a smirk in his voice than before.

"You too, until we get back then." Mal said curtly. Concluding their business.

The trio walked out onto the bustling docks and headed for Serenity's berth. They easily cut a path through the crowd; River through the impressive amount of weaponry visible on her person, Mal through his calm yet dangerous look and the gun on his hip, and Jayne mostly through sheer size.

"What in the _d_íyú were you thinking in there?" Mal asked River, his tone was serious but she could tell he was amused by what she had done to the curious guard. "I bring you on jobs to prevent exactly that sort of unpleasantness!"

"Wanted to see the secrets, weren't his to know." River said in a singsong voice, Jayne snorted in laughter. "Hell, I dunno if he'll be able to see anything straight for a while!" The big man had been close to ending the life of the man who had been creeping on River, now that she was no longer prone to confusing the hell out him and waving knives around he had grown fond of the crew's "little psycho" as he had named her. Her interest in guns, martial arts and all manner of pointy things, exploding things and sharp things had made the pair rather good friends now that River's brain was no longer in million pieces. Jayne considered her his crewmate and comrade-in-arms, and nobody creeped on Jayne Cobb's crew when he could help it.

As they walked up the ramp into Serenity's cargo bay Mal ordered Jayne and River to round up the rest of the crew for a meeting in the galley to give them the news about Badger's job.

Jayne set off towards Inara's shuttle to give her the order and although she tried to keep out of the crew's minds as much as she could, River caught a small flash of hope from Jayne's mind; hope that Inara would be bathing or in some manner of undress when Jayne opened the door. Her mouth curled in a small smile at his double standard when it came to who got to see whose naked body. Still smiling slightly, she stood stock still in the cargo bay and closed her eyes.

Her mind _expanded_, and she could suddenly feel each member of the crew and their position on the ship. Her abilities were stretched trying to see that far but she could feel the warm, friendly mind of Kaylee in the engine room. A sadness edged with steel in the region of the crew quarters was Zoe and a small tear started to well up in River's eye as Zoe's loss became a part of her too, but was bitten back by the same mental fortitude that allowed Zoe to accept it as well as live with it. Simon was pottering around in the infirmary, he was happy, Kaylee probably had something to do with that, River grinned as she got a small flavour of the love those two had for each other.

She set off to wrangle them for her captain.


	2. Chapter 2

With all of his crew present for the briefing on their latest job, Mal got down to business.

"Good news ladies and gents, we're being paid to haul a small bar's worth of Persephone's finest drinkables to New Oceania, where the righteous, god-fearing people have decided to make it illegal. Making our services a valuable commodity."

Kaylee beamed at the Mal "Sounds like good honest smuggling to me captain, knew you'd get us back in the saddle."

Simon leaned back in his seat. "What do they do to people who get caught trying to provide the ah, _service,_ we're going to be providing?"

Jayne spotted a chance to make the doc a mite uncomfortable; He leaned across the table towards him. "They throw yer ass in jail for a few months." He said with a sadistic grin that only broadened as Simon's eyes widened.

Kaylee's considerable good mood wasn't tarnished a bit by the thought of jail, she elbowed Simon in the ribs and joined in on Jayne's teasing. "Scared of a little hard time doc?"

Jayne saw a golden opportunity and seized it, "Thought you and the doc woulda known all about 'hard' times the racket you make in your bunk!" he thumped the table and chuckled at his own joke, joined by a snort from Zoe, a measured smile from Inara and a hoot from River, Kaylee just smiled and tossed a cup from the table at Jayne's head, which was dodged and then clattered away along the corridor.

Only the captain and Simon found this less than funny, Simon reddened and stroked his face, looking interestedly at the ceiling while Mal tried to restore order. "Can we get back to the good doctor's sex life when I'm NOT giving you people payin' work? Or never?"

Jayne sat up a little straighter and everyone quietened down. "_Thank_ you," said Mal. "as I was saying, it ain't legal to bring alcohol planetside on New Oceania and from what Badger told me they have customs search every ship that lands on their little world. You cant disguise it as another liquid 'cos they test any they find and they pay extra attention to anyone they don't think is a good Christian; search their ships extra careful like. Anyone got any suggestions for fooling 'em?"

"I don't see the problem," Zoe said, shrugging her shoulders. "Serenity's got so many hiding places that if they didn't know where to look they could spend a week searching us and turn up empty."

"That's true, but New Oceania is a small place, not many ships going in and out and if we show up with nothing in our hold that they can see they'll be mighty suspicious of us, it's out of the way of most trade routes and they don't produce much 'cept grain which is transported by one or two large haulage firms. We need a reason for bein' there." Mal pointed out. "Plus, since they're religious types they don't much take to buying goods from off-world, don't like material possessions these folks don't. So we can't be bringing in a hold full of legal goods to sell as cover, we won't sell 'em which'll just eat into our profit margin."

The crew sat in thoughtful silence for a few moments, when Inara leaned forward onto her elbows and announced, "I have a plan." she got sceptical looks from around the table, crime wasn't exactly her strong point and she normally made a point of being disapproving of the kind of job's the crew took on.

"While I was in town with Kaylee this afternoon I saw a flash on the Eavesdown message board from a group of settlers who are looking for passage to New Oceania, it looked old but it hadn't been removed so I would assume it's still valid. They weren't offering to cover anything except fuel costs for the vessel that would take them, which is why they haven't been snapped up by people looking for passengers yet. I think they're waiting on a captain with some good Christian values to give them passage." She offered this to the discussion and looked around to see if anyone caught on to her idea.

It was Simon who saw her plan first, "So we play at being kind-hearted souls who'll give fellow Christians reduced fares and use that as cover on arrival in New Oceania?" he nodded slowly. "Could work."

Mal was shocked that a plan that hinged on lying to a bunch of innocent people had come from the cultured, well-educated mind of Inara Serra. "Us petty criminals wouldn't be rubbing off on you now would we 'Nara?" He asked, putting his hand to his chest in mock astonishment.

Inara just smiled at him and her eyes sparkled mischievously, it was a look that nearly gave him a heart attack. He cast his eyes back over the table to distract himself, _Gorramit Mal! There's a plan to be made so stop acting like a kid with a crush! You can moon over her some other time. _

"Right then" Mal said, trying to sound as captain-y as he could and hoping no one noticed the slight waver in his voice. "We need to answer this notice before they get snapped up by someone with purer motives than us, but we need to make sure they ain't nowhere near this boat when Badger's men come to deliver our cargo. We also need to clean ourselves up and act the part for them so's we come across as good Samaritan types.

Jayne held up his hand to ask a question, "Does that mean I'll have to be all polite-like?" the idea clearly didn't appeal to him.

"Yes Jayne, no cussin', no guns and no grenades anywhere in sight." Replied Mal sternly, "Same goes for you albatross, no practicing murdering people in the cargo bay or cleaning your guns at the table." He said to River. "Inara, I reckon you'll have to make your shuttle a less…" _Oh tah ma de, how do I say this without offending her? _"…Buddhist?" _That works well; she can't take offence at that. _

"I don't think that's far enough, we need to give the impression that we aren't all 'living in sin' on this ship." Inara said thoughtfully, "Some of us need to be married for them to truly accept the image of a god-fearing crew." _Oh why did you have to bring that up?! _Her inner voice cringed,_ Might as well go the whole way now Inara… _"Captain… You and I, we're closest in age…" She said, it took every ounce of companion composure she had not to choke up as she said those words.

Mal suddenly felt like someone had been messing with Serenity's life-support system and had sucked all the air from the ship and made it ten degrees warmer. _What on earth-that-was is she playing at now? Trying to make me lose my mind? _"That's a good idea I suppose, but we should pack up all the incense and ornaments and such in your shuttle just so no one sees it."

Zoe knew that she would need to speak up about being 'married' to someone, if she didn't no-one would dare ask her to do anything of the sort for fear of digging into what had happened to her actual husband. She didn't want to be treated differently and by tiptoeing around her they only reminded her of it. "I suppose I'll be bunkin' with this ape then?" She said light-heartedly and gave Jayne a friendly punch to the shoulder.

Mal bit his lip at this, but Zoe had spoken and he trusted her to make that call. Simon looked at Kaylee and grinned, they may have to curtail much of their sexin' around the ship to keep up appearances but being 'married' wouldn't be much of a problem for them at all.

An idea struck Mal as he saw his medic and his mechanic exchanging glances. "Y'know," he said. "I reckon two married couples on this boat is enough, three might be a little unbelievable, even to folks in the business of believin', see my point?" He smiled innocently around the table, catching the eye of everyone but Simon and Kaylee.

"I agree." Said Zoe, keeping a face straight.

Jayne couldn't quite muster the self-control to stop himself from grinning. "Oh yeah, shiny idea cap'n."

"The virtuous control themselves." River quoted from Buddhist scripture in a solemn voice. "Perhaps being apart will renew your appreciation of each other's…"

"Sexin' parts?" Offered Jayne.

River's calm exterior broke down, "Yeah! Each other's sexin' parts Simon!" She collapsed in a fit of giggling at the look on her older brother's face.

Kaylee turned to the captain with a heartbroken expression, "You ain't serious captain?" Mal nodded, trying not to laugh. "You _evil_…" Speech failed her.

The other five members of the crew dissolved in mirth at their plight.


	3. Chapter 3

It was evening, the haze of pollution over the Eavesdown docks colouring the sky a pleasant shade of orange as River gazed out from Serenity's bridge. She sat catlike in the pilot's seat, feet curled up as she deliberately shut out the minds of her crew moving around the ship behind her.

_My crew…_

She remembered the day she had joined the crew: Not the day she had woken up in a box in their hold, but the day she awoke from a years-long nightmare to find herself on a strange planet. Surrounded by people whom she had vague memories of but who she knew had risked their lives to mend her. A short time later she saw one of them pay the ultimate price for her mental freedom and it took all her skill with a blade to make sure her brother and the rest didn't follow him into oblivion.

They could have kicked her off the ship, spaced her from the airlock or sold her out to the Alliance. But even the one who had tried was genuinely remorseful and couldn't look her in the eye without feeling guilt, and she knew he wasn't one to feel guilt often.

Even the one who had hunted them across worlds and killed innocents merely to deny her shelter had been turned away from those he had sworn to give his life for in order to let them escape, so undeniably good-hearted were the crew of this ship. They came across as a bunch of half-starved, thievin', ne'er-do-wells and they would never admit it but the people she shared the ship with were closer than most families.

The clank of glass bottles knocking together accompanied by string of mandarin cursing brought her back to the here-and-now with a jolt. Without looking she knew the captain and Jayne were inserting the crates of whiskey, beer and wine into one of Serenity's hidey-holes.

"Tah ma dé, Jayne! Try NOT to damage my merchandise!" groaned Mal as he watched the tall man shoving the crates unceremoniously into a hole in the ceiling above the corridor leading to the bridge that was normally covered by metal panelling.

"My arms are gettin' tired!" Complained Jayne, "T'aint mah fault I'm the only one can reach this ruttin' place."

"Well if you break a bottle and my ship starts smellin' like a dive bar you'll be the one getting in there to scrub it out!" The captain threatened as the last crate disappeared into the darkness of the crawl space. Jayne then held the cover panel in place while Mal screwed it into place with several tight bolts.

Mal looked up to see river framed in the light from the bridge at the top of the stairway, "What's up?" he asked.

"The guests have arrived." She said and then practically flew down the stairs, dodged between the captain and Jayne and out of sight towards the cargo bay.

"Huh." Said Jayne. "Best get ourselves all set up for a religious experience, this is going to go just _great."_

…

River was back on the bridge, they had been cleared for take-off and she was running systems checks and waiting for the all-green from Kaylee on the engine situation, they didn't want any nasty surprises out in the black. "Its all shiny back here River!" crackled the communicator lying on the instrument panel as River sent the message to the notice board at their landing pad warning any civilians in the immediate vicinity to stand back unless they wanted to be fried by thruster downdraft.

They had stowed the settlers in camp beds on the floor of the cargo bay amidst a storm of thanks and may-god-bless-you's, there were eleven of them; two families of four and five respectively and an older couple who the others deferred to as de facto leaders. The older couple, Deacon Marcus Hodden and his wife Maggie were missionaries from New Oceania who had been living on Persephone for several years and had bought several families into the "Lords bosom" as the deacon was so fond of stating. They had decided to return to their homeworld and two of the families in their flock had decided to leave with them and begin their lives anew as farmers on New Oceania.

Mal appeared at River's shoulder as Serenity rose from the dust and noise of the docks into the evening sky, "Here we go again 'eh little one?" he smiled at his pilot. River smiled up at him in reply as she guided Serenity out of atmo and out into the void.

River smiled again as she felt another presence approach the bridge; Inara was coming, _This should be a good laugh! _Mal heard her coming, turned to say hey and nearly fell over: Inara wasn't dressed in one of her customary flowing dresses or saris, her hair was unstyled and she wasn't wearing any makeup at all. Instead she was wearing one of Kaylee's shirts and a pair of baggy trousers with her hair tied back.

"I'm starting to think this idea of mine wasn't thought through in its entirety..." Inara trailed off, looking sceptically at her new outfit. Mal bit back a comment about how she looked stunningly beautiful no matter what and went with something a little more innocuous, "Well who the good gorram are you and what have you done with Inara Serra?" he asked. "That's Inara Harbatkin to you, husband!" She shot back, using Mal's false identity.

Mal glanced at the readout on the instrument panel to make sure they had the right heading. He knew River probably had their route calculated to within a hair's breadth but force of habit and a powerful need to have something distract him from Inara before he started drooling made him do so anyway. "Looks like we're all shiny on the flying side of things." He announced, ruffling River's hair. "I'm gonna go talk to our guests about the food situation, seems to me like we'll be needin' to eat in shifts to avoid a riot in the galley."

Inara gazed after Mal as he made his way aft, _He must think I look like a fool dressed as a rimworlder! He barely looked at me; this was not one of your finest moments, Inara. _She sighed and lent against the doorframe.

"Inara." Said River, "what is it meimei?" "You're a boob."

…

Simon narrowed his eyes at the boy peering around the door of the infirmary. The boy did the same, then blinked. "Saw that! I win!" Exclaimed Simon, their youngest passenger had been having impromptu staring matches with him since they had met earlier that evening and had not yet caught on to the fact that Simon was letting him win every third game.

"What you doing?" The boy asked, taking a few steps into the small room. Simon reckoned he was around seven or eight years old. "Well, I'm just cleaning up this room and making sure I have everything I need in case somebody gets sick." Simon answered as he carefully wiped a surface with sterilising solution.

A girl of around thirteen appeared at the door behind Simon's audience, "Lucas, Ma wants you to make up your bed, then we're going to get something to eat…" "Spaceship food?! Yeah!" the boy cut her off and raced back to the cargo bay. "I'm so sorry about my brother, if he's gettin' in your way I can get him to leave you alone?" She asked. Simon could she was embarrassed by her sibling, as most adolescents were. He had been mortified by River's antics when he was her age.

"Its no trouble really, younger brothers or sisters are always a pain," He smiled, "my sister was the same when I was young, although you may want to tell him that the food is one of the downsides of space travel. It's basically moulded protein infused with vitamins and carbs and whatever spices we have on hand at the time."

The girl wrinkled her nose at that idea. "How long is the journey?" Clearly anxious to know how long she would be eating the tasteless protein.

"River tells me it should be about three weeks or so." Simon replied, your average pilot would have take four, but River's mathematical mind had calculated a route that would slingshot them through the gravity of a gas giant, shaving a few days off the time.

The girl, still looking unimpressed with the prospect of protein meals in her future, thanked him and went back into the hold.

Jayne stuck his head in the door, "Hey doc, you seen my uh, wife, around?" he queried, "Need her and you upstairs for dinner, that deacon fella insisted the crew eat before him an' his people. To make things more even in numbers him and his wife are eatin' with us."

"Oh brilliant." Muttered Simon as he put his cleaning things away and turned to follow Jayne out the door. Simon agreed with Mal's opinion of holy men making folk feel guilty and judged and didn't appreciate it much.

….

To the crew's relief Inara, playing the role of dutiful wife, had prepared the meal for the evening. Inara always managed to make the protein, which under normal circumstances had the consistency and appeal of modelling clay, into a decidedly edible dish. She didn't often cook with the crew but there were no complaints now that she had to.

"Here we are then." She announced as she set a large pot on the dining table. The rest of the crew doing their level best to keep themselves from launching into the usual battle for the food. Removing the lid and serving the deacon and his wife first and giving each of the crew a stern look warning them not to start as she served them in turn she asked the deacon if he would like to say grace.

As the deacon began to bless the meal (And ask god to shine down on the kindly people who had given he and his flock passage to New Oceania) the crew put on their best smiles. Mal looked rather calm as he watched the deacon pontificate about the kindness of his crew but Inara saw his fist curled in a ball so tight his knuckles were losing colour. Instinctively she put her hand over his, trying to calm him down before he couldn't help himself but blurt out something blasphemous.

Almost as soon as she had done this Mal's mind put the god talk to one side, but calm him down was one thing it certainly did not do.

Inara felt his fist uncurl under her hand, but even though she had fulfilled the purpose she told herself she had put her hand there for, she didn't move it away. She liked sitting beside Mal, holding hands. It felt good. It felt great.

…..

Inara's hand on his allowed Mal to keep his cool during the meal with Deacon Hodden and his wife. To everyone's surprise, Jayne took it upon himself to talk to the Deacon with a little input from Kaylee, Zoe and Simon. Mostly they spoke of the differences between large metropolises like Persephone and Osiris, Simon's homeworld, and agricultural worlds like New Oceania and Kaylee's world of Harvest.

The captain and Inara spoke little, mostly just eating and enjoying holding hands, while each tried not to let on to the other that they _were _enjoying it.

As everyone finished the meal and Simon stood to help River with collecting plates for washing, the Deacon leaned back in his chair and addressed Mal. "I really can't thank you enough for letting us take up your hold on this trip, captain Harbatkin, you and your crew are truly angels sent to aid the faithful on their journeys."

At this stage Mal was so relaxed from the food, Inara's hand and watching everyone get along that no amount of god-bothering could get to him, "It's my pleasure Deacon, really, we all got a duty to help our fellow man out no matter who he is."

The Deacon smiled politely and nodded slowly. "Truer words never spoken my friend, I think I'll be getting down to the hold and my bunk, these old bones don't have the energy they used to! Thank you for a lovely meal Misses Harbatkin." He smiled around the table at the crew. "Good night and god bless!"

As He and his wife left the galley, the other nine passengers started filtering in. Simon bought the second pot of protein á la Inara over to the table and fresh plates were provided by River. After being blessed so many times Kaylee wondered if the entire crew hadn't acquired saintly powers the young families finished up their food and headed down to the hold for bed.

The crew of Serenity started to filter away to their bunks as well. River made for the bridge but as she did she felt the presence of Zoe, sitting in Wash's old chair. Gazing intently out into the black.

Leaving Zoe to her watch, River silently slid into the crew quarters that now belonged to her, curled up and closed her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

_Suddenly realised I've been forgetting to give credit where credit's due; I own nothing, all the characters belong to the almighty Joss Whedon et al. In other news, I won't be posting chapters quite as often as I have been due to real life getting in the way._

…_.._

Mal oversaw Serenity's guests getting themselves settled in the hold where they were to sleep and spend most of the trip as the rest of the crew were turning in after Inara's excellent meal. Aside from the Jesus-ness, they seemed like pleasant folk.

As he stood on the gantry overlooking the hold he happened to look across to where Inara's shuttle door stood ajar, the normally exotically decorated room was now bare. A thought struck him with the force of a Fed sonic rifle, Inara wasn't going to be sleeping in her shuttle, she was going to be acting the part of his wife and all the crew cabins were already taken. _Gorram it all to hell, Mal! How did you overlook this?_

…_. _

Kaylee sat with Inara in her bunk; she was sorting her out with enough clothes to last her until they made it to New Oceania. She had also been plotting to use the opportunity to finally get the captain and Inara to build one hell of a bridge and get over their insecurities, issues and stubbornness and get round to what had clearly been brewing since Inara had joined Serenity's crew.

Inara had dropped several hints to Kaylee about how she should probably stay in her room that night, but Kaylee was subtly brushing them aside with ease. All she needed now was a bombproof way of getting that pair to stay in the same room.

Inara tried asking a little more diplomatically to bunk down in kaylee's cabin; "I think it would be best if I stayed here tonight, I get the feeling the captain is a little offended by my attempts at looking like someone from the rim and might not appreciate me taking up his cabin space."

Kaylee decided to meet this head-on; "Now that's just plain untrue 'Nara! I'm sure he reckons you're just Yíngjin lookin' like this and absolutely shiny for coming up with a plan to get the cargo onto that rock. Anyway, you two seemed to be getting along fine at dinner."

Inara massaged a temple with her thumb, "You know he can't stand what I do for a living, he has no respect for me and we'll be at each other's throats inside of five minutes if we're stuck in a cabin together."

Kaylee raised an eyebrow, "It's a funny Companion what hasn't taken a client going on what, five months now? I know we've been hiding out at the corner of nowhere and noplace but you never once complained or hinted that you wanted to get back to work."

Inara had to admit to herself that Kaylee was right; she wasn't feeling any particular desire to get back to her "day job" and had started feeling right at home with everyone else on the crew. There was something to this life, just floating around the black, flying by the seat of one's pants and living like a rogue. The crew of Serenity weren't just colleagues; they were family and no matter what Inara knew they were the six people in all the verse that had her back. _Even that stubborn, thieving, disrespectful, crude, brave, noble, protective, handsome húndan of a captain!_

As Inara mulled over these thoughts and folded the clothes Kaylee saw the longing look play across her face and decided she could get away with one more push for tonight before Inara caught on to her matchmaking attempt, her guard was down and all Kaylee had to do was give her the ammunition to make an assault on her own nervousness. "Y'know if he couldn't stand you're bein' on this ship he could have told you to get gone anytime, _and_ he went to get you back as soon as he thought you were in danger, risked us all to do it too."

Inara bit her lip at this but Kaylee had lit a spark and now her head was filling with all the times she and Mal had gotten into fierce verbal battles, worse and more frequently than those Mal had with Jayne, but they always made up quickly and managed to function together. All these examples confirmed what Kaylee had told her, not to mention Mal flying Serenity under the nose of a battle fleet, breaking into a Companion training house (how he managed it with that ridiculous disguise she had yet to fathom) and getting her away from the most terrifying man she had ever met in her life.

Now that she had the fuel, her mind raced and started devising the best way to show Mal she wasn't just another Companion, she had a plan.

…

Zoe had been sitting on the bridge, ostensibly taking the first watch but mostly ignoring the instruments and staring out into the black. She was sure Wash would have absolutely loved their current job and would have had no end of witty comments and veiled jokes to direct at their passengers.

_Would have had… Red battle lights, a crash of glass and metal, a crunch of flesh…_

She ground down the memory and sense of loss that was threatening to slip its fingers around her throat and started recalling every single time Wash had made her laugh, it was the best way she had found of calming herself down when the memory of her husband's fate tried to drag her down.

Her reminiscing was interrupted by Jayne's appearance on the bridge, he had the look on his face that meant he was about to try and be polite, that is, he was concentrating hard. "So Zoe, how d'ya want to play this whole bein' married thingy? If you don't want me in the same room as ya that's fine, or I can sleep on the floor?"

Zoe appreciated him giving her the choice, but replied in her usual dry manner, without looking around at him, "I reckon the floor's a good place for you Jayne, but in the interest of fairness we can swap out each night."

Jayne had been expecting a worse deal than that, he nodded to himself and was halfway down the stairs to the crew quarters when a thought struck him and he poked his head back into the bridge. "Hey, since yer taking this watch can have the bed this evenin'?" Zoe slowly revolved the pilot's chair to face him, the look on her face made Jayne cough and he quickly retreated down the steps and he went to grab a sleeping bag from his room and get set up on the floor of Zoe's room.

As Jayne emerged from his room he encountered Simon waiting outside the door, Simon was going to be staying in Jayne's room as the proper guest rooms were filled with luggage. Their passengers had declined to use them as there were few and the families preferred to sleep all together. The deacon and his wife had also decided to sleep in the hold. Simon looked sour, something to do with not being allowed his usual place in Kaylee's bed Jayne knew.

"You touch any o' my stuff doc, and I'll cut off yer head and use it for target practice, y'hear?" Simon narrowed his eyes at Jayne, who just snorted in laughter and clapped him on the shoulder hard enough to make Simon put a hand on the bulkhead to steady himself.

"Good night to you too," muttered Simon as Jayne disappeared with his sleeping bag into Zoe's cabin. He swung himself down into Jayne's room and wrinkled his nose at the slight smell of body odour and the metallic tang of propellant and cleaning oil that came from the quite extraordinary amount of firepower the room contained. As he gazed at the weapons lining the walls a small, boyish part of him, the part that was a lot more prominent in people like the captain and Jayne, couldn't help but feeling gleeful at the sight of so many guns.

_Oh hell, this life is really getting to me isn't it? _He wondered to himself and to his surprise, he started grinning.

…..

Mal wandered slowly through his ship, turned off a few lights in the kitchen and made his way towards his cabin. He caught Zoe's eye from the corridor as she sat on the bridge and they both gave the other a jerk of their heads in acknowledgement. He pushed open his door and was halfway down into his cabin when he nearly put his boot into Inara's skull, narrowly missing by jerking his foot outwards and nearly fell the rest of the way. "'Nara! What the hell?!"

Inara backed into the room to give Mal room to get down off the ladder. _Not the start I was hoping for… _She winced mentally. "I was just getting a sleeping bag ready." She motioned at the half-rolled sleeping bag on the floor. "Sorry about that."

Mal was highly confused. _She willingly came down here? Am I hearing this? _"Look, you don't have to sleep down here if you don't wanna…"

_I knew it; he doesn't want me in here. _Inara's steely resolve that she had gained in Kaylee's room earlier faltered slightly. _Gah! Don't give up yet. _"If you want me out of here I can go and sleep in Kaylee's room." She said quickly.

"Oh no! I just wanted to tell you that, y'know, you don't have to put up with me if you don't want to. I don't mind it at all if you stay in here." Mal hoped she didn't think he wanted her out. _Think before you speak Mal!_

_Ok, we're back on track. _Inara had deliberately kept her hair tied back and had on a thick nightshirt with a high neckline so Mal would feel more comfortable and less like she was using her feminine wiles on him. Just sleeping in the same room without an argument would be a win in her book. "Alright, I'm going to the bathroom to wash my face and give you some privacy, I'll be back in five minutes."

Mal gawked after her as she climbed out of the room. _What the díyú just happened?_ He started getting changed into a vest and some light trousers he reckoned could pass as nightclothes.

When Inara returned a few minutes later she found Mal holding the sleeping bag out at arm's length. "Mal? What are you doing?"

There was no way Malcolm Reynolds was going to let anyone sleep on the floor when he himself had a perfectly good bed. "Just checking to see if I'd fit in this thing, which I reckon I will. You're taking the bed, I changed the sheets for ya an' all."

"So now you're going all honourable on me for once?" As soon as she said it, Inara regretted it, _He's going to think I'm being insulting and we're going to get in another falling-out, couldn't you have held your tongue, Inara? _

Mal shrugged, "Yeah, looks that way." He smiled at her.

Inara cocked her head to one side at this, _No acid remarks? No throwing the word whore around? Well this is incredible._ "Aha, no. This is your cabin Mal, you get to sleep in your own bed…" She made a grab for the sleeping bag, but Mal whipped it behind his back and held his other hand in front of him, keeping her away from it. "You said it; it's my room, so I make the rules. You also forget that this is my boat, so I… eh, still make the rules and I say you're sleeping in that bed!"

They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Inara thought of plan; "Oh fine, if that's the way you want to do it…" she sat down on the bed and began to move the covers. Mal grinned victoriously and came alongside the bed to get into the sleeping bag. While he was doing this, Inara suddenly spun around, grabbed the bag with one hand and pushed Mal away from the bed with her feet, sending him to the other side of the cabin and leaving her holding the sleeping bag. While Mal was still turning to counter attack, Inara quickly slid into the bag and wrapped herself up in it, then lay down on the floor and stuck out her tongue at him.

Suddenly on the other side of his cabin and without a sleeping bag, Mal forgot whom he was dealing with and in the spirit of the game, picked Inara up bodily and dumped her onto the bed. He grabbed the foot end of the bag and lifted it up, intending to empty her out onto the bed, but she was too well wrapped up and he couldn't get her out. Inara tried to keep her laughter down while the big tough captain attempted to shake a small woman out of a sleeping bag and failed.

After a minute or so of shaking around Inara yelped "peace!" and Mal stopped shaking. Inara grinned up him, the rate she was coming up with new plans was surprising her. "I'll sleep in the bed on one condition… You do too!" She grabbed the front of his shirt and shoved him down beside her. Before he had time to protest about it not being proper or something stupid like that she reached up and turned off the light. "Happy now Mal? I am in the bed like you said!"

Mal was too shocked to move. "Well I…"

"Oh shush. I'll see you in the morning!" She said brightly, then turned over, still in the sleeping bag and said "'night." _Success!_

"Em, Ok then?" Mal lay in his bed, wondering what the hell just happened to him.


	5. Chapter 5

_You know the drill: Not my characters, I don't own the universe etc. Some Mal/Inara fluffy stuff in this one here, more for the purposes of humour than anything else… on with the story!_

…..

Inara drifted in the general direction of consciousness. She wasn't in her usual bed, she knew, this one felt stiffer. She could sense the presence and warmth of another in the bed behind her. Automatically, from Companion training and years of experience, she moved closer to the other person and became the small spoon.

Her mind sharpened slightly and she began to try and place where she was and whom she was with. There was some familiar humming and other low noises going on that she eventually placed as meaning that she was on Serenity.

She was in a bed. On Serenity. With another person. _What the fuck?_

She snapped into consciousness with all the grace of a crash landing and realised who she was with and why.

Mal was vaguely aware of hair in his face. This was new, or at least not something that had happened in a while, a _good _while. His soldier's brain caused him to process and react to waking up to something unfamiliar very fast.

He nearly stopped breathing.

…

River stalked, barefoot, along the edge of the railings on stairs at the back of the cargo bay. Despite the monumental balancing act she was performing, she was hardly paying attention to what she was doing and instead was staring intently at Lucas as he slept in a camp bed between his sister and father.

River had been awoken about an hour earlier when the young boy was having a nightmare, his mind still had not developed the hardness that was present in adults and so his fear radiated through the ship and disturbed River's sleep. She had come to investigate but he had regained governance of his mind and now she just watched his dreams play out, most of them to do with spaceships.

With an adult she wouldn't have sensed the fear from that far unless it had been incredibly strong, real, he had been conscious and if she herself hadn't been actively looking for it. The shell that surrounded an adult's brain allowed them to control emotions, it was like a mental poker face, River decided, stopping an emotion from consuming the mind and allowing rational operations to continue.

She hovered on the gantry for a few more moments, enjoying the calmness that emanated from sleeping people. Then she silently slipped towards the galley. The ship's day cycle was nearly at wake-up time and she was going to get a head start on breakfast before the hungry horde (AKA Jayne) invaded and ate all the good stuff.

…

Simon did up the top button on his shirt and started climbing the ladder out of Jayne's cabin. As he reached the top he looked up towards the bridge and spotted Kaylee in the pilot's seat, she must have had the last watch of the night.

He was about to go to her and give her a good morning kiss before their passengers gained consciousness and they ran the risk of being seen but from her slumped posture realised she was asleep. Deciding that waking her would probably land him in the dog house and earn him a punch to boot he turned and made his way to the galley.

River was sitting cross-legged on top of the dining table, eating some dried fruit wearing only her dress and in the low light looking for all the 'verse like some sort of ghostly ship-spirit. She didn't greet Simon when he walked in, following him eerily with her eyes; she succeeded in weirding him out.

"Uh, meimei, why are you up so early, why are you on the table, and where are your shoes?"

"Monsters chased him through the ship, went to watch, but they left."

"I see. Are you feeling alright?" Simon asked conversationally, wondering if River was having one her now infrequent "bad days."

"Not a bad day, day only starting, multiple paths to take and cannot yet determine it's character, also, bad is relative."

"Uh-huh." Simon decided to drop it and instead turned towards the food cabinets. He found some oat bars and was stripping one of wrapping when Jayne and Zoe wandered in.

Jayne was massaging his neck and cursing the hard floor he had been relegated to while Zoe, though looking as sharp and business-like as ever, definitely had a small smile, which grew every time Jayne muttered another expression of pain.

Simon offered oat bars and they were snapped up wordlessly. Kaylee still had not appeared so, at a loss for anything else to do, Simon dug out and started examining a small stack of cards from his pocket, chores and jobs written on each of them.

Jayne peered over his shoulder, "I'll take septic vac off ya if you take this and this?" he held up galley cleaning and EVA suit maintenance.

…..

Mal and Inara were motionless, each had been awake for about twenty minutes now, but neither wanted to move, because it felt so good but mostly because once the game was up there would galaxy-sized levels of awkward.

It was Mal who finally came up with a way out. He rolled out of the spoon and sat up, yawning. "Morning 'Nara." He said, keeping his face straight as possible.

As soon as Mal had started moving, Inara had shifted herself onto her back as quickly as possible. "Morning."

"I'm gonna go get changed in the washroom, you can take yer time down here." He got out of the bed and started fetching clothes from his cupboard.

Inara lay wordlessly in her sleeping bag. Deciding she could make it less awkward by being conversational, she asked; "sleep well?" in a friendly tone.

"Yeah, it was fine." _It was great… _"You?"

"I'm not used to sleeping bags."

"Should have let me take it then!" Mal said brightly, the atmosphere in the room was noticeably less awkward than Mal had thought it would be. He climbed up the ladder out of the room.

He found Kaylee walking aft from the bridge "How's my favourite mechanic?"

"I'm not speaking to you, captain." She was still sore about being banned from inappropriate touching with Simon. Which was all those two seemed to do.

The captain bit back a laugh as Kaylee marched down the corridor, studiously ignoring him. He made his way to the bathroom and decided he'd shower as well as change. Captains deserved some captain-y perks every once in a while he reckoned.

…..

River sat in the pilot's chair with the captain, Zoe and Jayne behind her. She could tell they were sceptical of what she was about to try but she knew it was perfectly possible.

"Are you certain this is a good idea?" Asked Zoe, "Saving time ain't a bad idea, but five or six more days of flying isn't something we're gonna die from."

"Most efficient route." Said River simply, as she guided Serenity close to the gas giant known as Ringo to most but technically designated BP453. It had no moons with conditions conducive to terraforming so it was relegated to being a piece of scenery for spaceships navigating the stars to pass by.

River was planning to bring Serenity close to the top of the atmosphere, where the immense gravity would start accelerating them in towards the planet, but the angle of their approach combined with hard burn at the right moment would cause Serenity to "skip" off the atmosphere like a stone thrown at the right angle into water and send them shooting of towards their destination.

River picked up a communicator and buzzed the engine room, "Kaylee, when I say mark, I want everything to full, understood?"

"Can do!" Chirped Kaylee. She was standing at her switches next to the engine, ready to go at the word.

River brought them in and Mal could feel the artificial gravity straining to hold him in a standing position, a ship wasn't meant to re-enter so fast.

"Not re-entering atmo, just gravity well." River pre-empted Mal's concerned question.

"I don't doubt your skills little one, but a suspiciously high number o' my gauges and dials are pointin' towards the red and that usually means an explodey, fiery death is somewhat imminent." Mal explained.

"I don't wanna explode." Agreed Jayne.

River ignored them. _Why can nobody see? It's all so simple! The gravitational constant, the distance between the two masses, our speed, its speed, _ _… we are all moving, but there are laws, can't break these laws, but these laws are what allow us freedom if we understand them and what they do! I can see…_

River took one hand away from the now juddering joystick, picked up the communicator and without taking her eyes away from the planet looming in the windows, spoke to Kaylee, "Ready on my mark?"

"Ready."

"…Mark."

Serenity's engine spooled up to full speed and it suddenly felt like the artificial gravity was pulling everyone to a point slightly in front of and below the cargo bay instead of straight down. Mal, Zoe and Jayne all leaned back slightly, as though standing on a slope.

There was a sharp shudder as the upper atmosphere 'bounced' and propelled Serenity off into the black at a good rate faster than its top speed. River turned off the thrusters. With no gravity to provide friction, they would keep their current speed until River told the ship to slow down.

River swivelled the chair around to face her audience.

"No power in the 'verse…"

…

_This chapter was mostly written to tie off Mal and Inara's little game from the last chapter. I do realise it doesn't advance the story that much, but I do like messing with those two. Anyone who has an opinion on what I should do with them can drop me a line to speak their piece. _


	6. Chapter 6

_Usual stuff: I don't own any of the characters etc. I just work here. _

…

Hands dancing over the instrument panel, River made a tiny adjustment to Serenity's course, they were a day or two out of New Oceania and soon the cargo bay would no longer be full of people who she couldn't know and couldn't be herself around.

The younger ones were nice; they were still unfettered by responsibilities and worries. Their parents were full of rules and codes and fear of hell.

_Illogical… Bible's broken… It doesn't make sense…_

The in-between one saddened River. That one saw the albatross flying and wanted to be like her, but she was going to be a farm girl, her father didn't want her to have wings. She sometimes came out at night to hide in the corridor and watch the bridge, watch the technological witch make a pile of metal and wires do the impossible and fly. Fly between worlds, away from danger, towards anything she wanted.

She could feel someone behind her, she was here again, the one who wanted to fly on feathers of metal and wings of fire. River could feel her looking with respect, awe and jealousy at her hands on the controls.

River looked at the chronometer on the panel. It was near the middle of the night cycle, everyone else was in bed and she herself wasn't due to be relieved by Zoe for another hour and a half.

_Could I…?_

_I could._

River spun in the chair and looked into the eyes of the girl hiding in the stairwell. Like an animal trapped in hovercar headlights the girl froze, River felt the girl's stomach sink. She was sure that the pilot was going to rat her out and her father would get mad, try to smack the dreams of flying out of her head.

River smiled and waved her arm at the girl to come up to the bridge.

The girl stayed frozen for a few more seconds then slowly walked up the stairs onto the bridge, hanging her head. "I'm so sorry!" She said, talking in a whisper so as not to wake anyone. "Please don't tell anyone! I'll go back to the hold I swear!"

River stood and pointed at the seat.

The girl looked at her like she was speaking to her in a foreign tongue.

River just pointed.

The girl slowly sat down, keeping her eyes fixed on River, as if it were all a trick and River was about to smack her. River just jacked up the seat so the girl was high enough.

"You're Rachel." Stated River.

The girl nodded slowly.

River pointed at an instrument. "Heading indicator, tells you location relative to any local heavenly bodies, your destination and your start point."

Rachel's eyes widened.

River pointed again, "Nav input, allows you to program the autopilot to correct the course based on your heading. Right now though," River reached over her head and flipped a switch. "You are in manual control."

Her student looked more terrified than ever before.

River took a hold of Rachel's left hand and put it on the joystick, then placed her right hand on the throttle. "Pull towards you to go up, push away to go down, lean left to roll to port, lean right to roll to starboard. To turn, combine two."

River looked at their heading indicator, then at another screen.

They were passing an uninhabited dwarf planet at the edge of the system New Oceania was part of; it was several hundred thousand miles out of their way but no one would notice half an hour extra journey time.

River pointed it out on the nav readout. "Bring us there."

"What? How?"

River put her hand on the stick, "Lean left…" Their arms moved down and left with the stick. "Now pull back." The girl slowly brought the stick in towards her. They were now shooting towards the small planet. Now that the girl had something to use as an indicator of up and down, they could have some fun.

River motioned for the girl to lean the stick to the right.

Serenity spun 360 degrees on her axis from nose to tail, the planet visible in the window lazily rolling around their field of vision until River reached over and slowly pulled the stick back to centre and they stopped rolling.

River smiled at the shining look on the girls face. "Bring us back on track?"

Together they guided Serenity back into her original heading.

River sent Rachel walking back to the hold. She new the girl was barely containing shouts of joy as she went as quietly as she could back to bed.

River smiled as she made sure Serenity was following the heading and then re-engaged autopilot.

The girl had had the spark in her. River had just poured gasoline on it. No amount of punishment would put it out now, it was too strong, River had made sure of that.

…..

Zoe woke to the sound of a vibrating alarm in her sleeping bag. She flicked it off and quietly extracted herself from the bag so as not to wake Jayne, whose turn it had been in the bed this night. She had kept her clothes on so she wouldn't have to get changed when her turn on watch duty came round.

She climbed out into the corridor and made her way to the bridge, finding River wrapped in a thin blanket in the pilot's seat, staring out the window. Zoe stretched a little and then put an affectionate hand on River's shoulder to let her know she could return to bed.

River uncurled herself from the chair then stood and stretched herself. She was still staring out at the black, which was now not so much black as orange since the system's sun was casting it's light into the cockpit and illuminating a handful of planets and planetoids in it's orbit.

River turned and handed Zoe the blanket, then slowly gave the taller woman a hug, arms around her neck.

Zoe was too unsure of what was going on to do anything.

"Its all going to be fine, warrior woman." Said River reassuringly, then she guided Zoe into the chair, wrapped the blanket around her and quick as a flash she was gone.

Zoe wasn't bothered to try and fathom what River had meant by that, but only one person had ever thought of her as a warrior woman and she was sure he hadn't discussed that with River.

She examined the instruments for a moment and then continued River's vigil of staring out at the universe.

…..

"Up and at 'em folks! Let's get this place all cleared up-like!" Mal called out to the cargo bay. The passengers were packing up their possessions in preparation for the scheduled landing in a few hours. They would clean up the hold and then have a last dinner before landing (Even though they would be landing in late morning on New Oceania the ship's cycle had them there mid-evening.)

As he watched the work going on below him and trying to look as captain-y as possible, Simon appeared at his side.

"Captain, how long do you think we'll be spending on this rock? I'm running low on a few essential antibiotics and anaesthetics and I'd like to see if it would be possible to get some in a pharmacy here."

"Well I don't want to be there any longer than we have to be, won't be much on that dirtball, besides, how can you be running low? I gave you plenty o' credits there on Beaumonde a few months back to stock up."

"Well normally that would be just fine for a crew this size but some of us…" Simon looked meaningfully at the captain, "Seem to have a penchant for getting shot every time they leave the ship!"

Mal turned to Simon, "Now that's just plain untrue doc! What about Beylix?"

"You got _stabbed."_

"Getting' stabbed ain't getting' shot, thought you'd know that, doctor top-three-percent."

"The result is the same; I still had to shoot you full of antibiotics and stitch you together. My point is still valid!"

Mal rolled his eyes, the doc was taking it all too seriously, couldn't tell that he wasn't actually trying to get out of paying for more meds. The boy was a great medic but damned sure couldn't see the funny side if it walked naked in front of his face.

Deacon Hodden sauntered up the stairway to where Simon and the captain stood, he smiled at Simon, then spoke to Mal, "Captain, it would seem our time as your passengers is drawing to a close, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you and your crew on behalf of all of us for giving us so much for so little."

Mal had to stop himself grinning; the man had no idea that he was the one doing the Serenity's crew a favour by being the perfect cover. "It really is no problem at all, Deacon, it warms my heart to give passage to such gentle, god-fearin' folks such as yerselves. I'm glad we were the ones to do it, there's no end to the amount of disreputable types out here on the Rim what would'a taken advantage of good souls such as yourselves."

Behind the Deacon's back, Simon had to wipe his hand over his mouth in what he hoped looked like a thoughtful motion to cover a smile as he turned to head down to the infirmary and draw up a list of the meds he needed.

It had struck him several times over the last few weeks, ever since the savage pleasure he'd taken in looking at Jayne's arsenal, that this life was starting to grow on him. Before there had been a single-minded desire to be the best surgeon in an entire star system, to make his parents proud and be the toast of any society function he attended. Now he felt a distinctly uncivilised urge to defy authority, cause mischief and trouble and most of all; watch his crew's backs (Well, with Kaylee maybe he'd be watching the bit where her back met her legs).

…..

Inara was in the kitchen making protein stew again. She knew it was part of her act as a dutiful wife to be ship's cook as well, but _réncí de fó_ wasn't she sick of doing it without any of the perks! She and Mal had kept the same sleeping arrangement (she in the sleeping bag, him beside her in the bed) throughout the journey and had managed not to succumb to awkwardness about it but she hadn't made any progress past that.

_What kind of Companion am I that can't even seduce an untethered ship's captain? Married women used to keep a firm grip on their husbands when I was at a ball or party, and that didn't always work!_

Jayne wandered into the galley accompanied by River.

"All I'm saying is that I _like _the way it feels as a trigger and you ain't givin' her a chance…" Jayne was saying.

"Lacks the sensitivity she needs, prefers a cleaner break." River cut him off and swiftly stuck her head over the pot on the stove, engulfing her head in the steam.

Jayne opened his mouth to continue their discussion about triggers but River, still holding her head over the pot, stuck out her hand and pressed it over his lips, then brought around the spoon from the pot and stuck it in his mouth.

"Umph, sh'good 'Nara." Jayne managed to mumble around the spoon.

Kaylee smiled at the scene that greeted her as she walked in, "River, don't be so mean to Jayne!" She giggled as she sat down.

"His mouth was talking." River explained as she extracted her weapon.

Inara brought the pot to the table and requested that Jayne fetch the captain and Simon for the meal.

Jayne grumbled about spoons and the _gaísí _doctor as he left, while Inara went to fetch the Deacon and his wife. She was going to miss having an excuse to be near Mal and she was sure his attitude toward her would not improve when she moved into her shuttle, it would probably remind him more of her profession.

She needed a solution quickly.

…..

_Quick note, I may have cogged some Chinese words off ebfiddler's _what begins with an apple_ story, it's a great series, read it. _

_Also when writing fighting or flying scenes like the gravity slingshot in the last chapter and the flying lesson in this one I listen to Two Steps From Hell, an atmospheric music group, if you're ever wanting for inspiration for writing or a workout, check them out, you'll puke rainbows and fart lightning._


	7. Chapter 7

_Usual stuff: I don't own any of the characters etc. I just work here._

_Also, many thanks to schur655 for a short lesson in orbital maths!_

…

River was once again in the pilot's seat, and once again what she was doing there was damaging the captain's calm.

"So we have to orbit New Oceania three times before we land? Any particular reason or did ya just have a mind to become obsessive-compulsive all of a sudden?"

River sighed and tried to think of an explanation that didn't involve the equations and mathematical terms her brain wanted to spew out.

"Gravity slingshot at Ringo accelerated her to great speed, using thrusters to reduce such speed would spend all our fuel, instead, we use planet's gravity by performing several rotations without propulsion except for steering. Friction not fuel for slowing down."

Mal bit his lip at this, he was going to have an interesting flightplan to file with the authorities and interesting was something he'd rather not be when smuggling goods, no sir, he wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible.

River addressed his concern, "Put it down as landing gear sticking, need time to repair, then land as usual."

Maybe decent criminal minds ran in families, Mal thought, thinking back to Simon's heist on Ariel and hoping this particular caper went a little smoother.

…..

As Mal got on the wavestation to tell fibs to the port authority and River guided Serenity into orbit around the planet, Simon was giving their guests a once over in the hold before they left the ship for good. He hadn't gotten close to them apart from occasional staring matches with Lucas but his conscience wouldn't let him rest if there was a chance one of the children had picked up something from Serenity's life support that they had no immunity to having never been in contact with another world before.

He shone his torch into eyes and up noses and gently pressed throat glands to check for swelling.

It was as he finished up; satisfied that no one was going to fall ill as a result of neglect on his part that the Deacon spoke. "We appreciate your concern doc, but you needn't fear, the almighty watches over all children and protects them from harm."

Still packing his things into the medical bag, Simon replied without processing his words, "Now I know that's not true."

The Deacon and the other adults who had been paying attention to their conversation raised eyebrows and pursed lips. Realising what he'd said, Simon cast out for something to say and only one thing came to mind; the truth.

"I ah… I used to be a surgeon in a general hospital." He nearly added _On Osiris _but didn't want to give away too much about his and River's past. "I saw a lot of things that, well, shake one's faith…" He hoped that would fly with these people.

He didn't add that he'd never had much faith at all and what little there had been in a protecting force of any kind had been violently torn from him when he saw his sister sitting in a chair with needles in her brain, poisons flowing into her arms and knowing that this had been her world for nearly four years.

The deacon looked at him with a pity that made Simon want to strangle someone. "I'm sure whatever questions you have will be answered my son, you must only keep your heart open."

_What a perfect way to say nothing! _Simon smiled what he hoped looked like a grateful smile and excused himself to the infirmary as the ship started to rumble slightly from River's plan to use the planet's gravity as a breaking system. Simon knew some basic physics but his sister's nonchalant defiance of death based on the numbers in her head made him smile slightly despite his annoyance as he walked into his small medical bay.

…

Kaylee was watching over Serenity's engine from her hammock to make sure River's unorthodox flying didn't shake something loose in her baby. Since Mister Universe's moon there had been slightly less work for her to do; the Operative's men had provided her with a multitude of new, top-quality parts during Serenity's repair and she was running almost like new. Kaylee was slightly jealous that her girl no longer needed her as much.

But on the other hand, it did allow her more time with Simon._ Until that xié'é dé hundán captain put a stop to it! _She huffed. The wait was nearly over though, and she was gonna do some unspeakable things to the doc as soon as she could.

A slight change in the tone of the hum coming from the engine told her they were coming in to land and she swung out of the hammock, no longer needed here.

….

As Serenity completed her final orbit of New Oceania River put the thrusters into reverse and began to guide her down to the surface, still much faster than a regular entry, earning them a wave from the port authority and earning River a "Cut it out, yer scarin' the locals." from her captain. River new she could handle the speed, but stuck out her tongue and obeyed anyway.

As they roared down towards Fenton, the capital city, Mal went to his cabin and pulled on his duster, strapping a pistol not to its usual place on his leg but to a more discrete location under his left armpit, where the coat would hide it.

Zoe caught sight of it as he buttoned his coat in the corridor, "We expectin' some unpleasantness on this drop sir?" She asked.

"Nah, I just don't want our guests to see it and lower their lofty opinion of me."

"That would be unfortunate, sir."

"I'll be glad when they're gone and I can cuss and shout and shoot guns at things I don't like. Can't be healthy for a person to be so polite-like, even the doc lets off steam sometimes, though he usually recruits my mechanic for that purpose and does it mighty close to my cabin."

"Is that something you'd like me to correct sir?" Zoe hefted her sawn-off.

"What? That'd be… No Zoe don't do that." They grinned as they headed down to the cargo hold, Zoe keeping her weapon out of view underneath a coat over her arm.

….

River brought them in over the port and down into their landing space so smoothly that no one even had to bend their knees to compensate for the change from moving to being stationary.

Jayne disengaged the airlock and then lowered the ramp, to be greeted by several customs officers, most of whom started examining the passports and immigration papers of the passengers.

Two officers asked for the captain and were given a surly jerk of Jayne's head in Mal's general direction.

The captain, trying to project a friendly and jovial air, shook hands with both of them. "Pleased to meet yer, I'm captain Harbatkin. What can I do for you gents?"

The senior customs man replied in a bored tone, "We've an order here to search this ship for prohibited items, see here…" He held up a piece of electropaper, which Mal took and pretended to read. "Nothing to be concerned about, this is routine."

"So I'm told." Said Mal, looking up from the paper and smiling at the two men, "We have nothing to hide, would you like me to show you around or…"

"That won't be necessary," said the younger man, he waved in three more men from the dock and they began looking around the cargo bay. "We'll be finished soon, if you have anything aboard this ship that you'd like to tell us about you should do so now, it'll make it a lot easier on you if you do."

Mal kept his smile in place, "No sirs, I have nothing on this boat 'ceptin some food, them passengers and a lazy-ass crew. You will find some firearms in my man Jayne's cabin but he has a license for them." Kaylee scowled theatrically as she walked past them, hearing the lazy comment. One of the customs men smiled slightly.

Mal relaxed at this, he had won them over, they wouldn't look too closely at Serenity. "Just ask this, uh, Jayne to present us with his licenses and when our colleagues here have taken a look around we'll get out of your way." One of the men instructed.

He handed Mal another paper to sign. "Much obliged." Mal said brightly as he pressed the paper against the bulkhead, only just remembering to sign 'Harbatkin' instead of 'Reynolds.'

The officers went to join the rest of their team searching the ship and Mal turned to make a face at Zoe, but she was over with their soon-to-be ex passengers, shaking hands and saying goodbye. He went to join her and was bombarded by blessings and handshakes, which he forced himself to accept.

_Yup, definitely gonna be glad to be able to cuss again…_

…_._

The customs agents weren't very thorough, but even if they had been, Mal doubted if they'd have found their cargo's hidey-hole. It was so good, in fact, that he and Jayne were now having problems getting the drink back out again. The crates and cases had all been pushed back into a small space one after another, meaning Jayne had to stand on an upturned box, stick his upper body into the ventilation shaft they were in and fish them towards himself with a long pole someone had found. This resulted in the expulsion of all the cursing he had been holding in for the last three weeks, his colourful language was amusement enough for the captain as he took the crates from Jayne as he slowly extracted them.

"There's one more of the ruttin' things left." Came Jayne's muffled voice, "But this _wáng bá dán _of a stick ain't gorram reaching!"

Jayne finally got a hold on the case of whiskey and pass it down to Mal before extricating his wide shoulders from the hole. "Fuck that, next time get psycho girl to go in there an' fetch stuff, least she'll fit!"

"I'm the captain Jayne, and I say who does what." Mal joked.

Jayne grunted.

…...

It was mid-evening and Zoe, River and Kaylee were lowering the hovermule from the ceiling when Mal and Jayne arrived in the hold with the first of the boxes, starting a small pile beside where the mule would land. As the ungainly-looking machine reached the deck Kaylee leaned in and fired it up, causing it to float back up a few inches off the ground.

She climbed in and undid the chains that had held it to the ceiling, then started taking boxes from Zoe and carefully piling them in the back seats.

Mal and Zoe joined in and soon the machine was loaded up. Mal fished a small scrap of paper out of his pocket. "Ok, we're meeting the buyer in a side street off a Chrigel street. Me an' Jayne were there this afternoon to give the place a look-see, seems like as good a place as any for an exchange. What we're gonna do is me an' Zoe will go meet our buyers and leave Jayne an' River with the mule a few streets away; we'll make the exchange and then signal you to bring the goods 'round. Sound fair?"

"Uh huh." muttered Jayne, feeling his belt to check for his pistol, knife and ammo.

River just nodded, Mal noticed a suspiciously sword-hilt shaped bulge under her coat, but thought better of brining it up.

Zoe just said "Sir."

"Alright, let's do some shady dealings!" Said the captain in a voice that suggested he was talking about taking a stroll along the main street before his dinner.

"And Jayne?"

"What?"

"Bring grenades."

…..


	8. Chapter 8

_I don't own the characters; I just work here._

…

Mal and Zoe stood motionless in the half-light of an alley that was desperately trying to live up to the name of side street but not quite making it. In their brown coats, dark trousers and their instincts for staying out of sight a casual observer would never see them.

They both waited, each covering an end of the alley in a battle plan that had been born without a word spoken by either but rather through years of experience with fire-missions gone wrong and crooked deals gone sour.

They had arrived at the meeting point provided to them by Badger right on time but their buyer, it seemed, did not set as much store with punctuality as they did.

Zoe would have been perfectly comfortable standing in silence for as long as it took, her captain though, was impatient; "Tah má dé, is it too much to ask that the first real job I take in two months actually pans out'n a smooth kinda way?"

Zoe humoured him. "My thoughts exactly sir."

Mal continued to grumble inaudibly for a minute or so, until two figures rounded the end of the alley Zoe was covering, at which point she elbowed Mal in the ribs.

Still keeping an eye on his end of the street in case of unforeseen circumstances, Mal turned his attention to the new occupants of the alley. Zoe squared her shoulders to them, making her weaponry visible so as to make it obvious that they were not to be messed with.

The two figures materialised into a slightly portly, relatively well-dressed gentleman who looked to be in his sixties and a man a good few years his junior.

The older man smiled at Zoe and stuck out his hand. "Avin Zao, at your service ma'am." He seemed to be slightly amused at the situation. I assume you are Badger's people?"

The younger man's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he grabbed Zao's arm and whispered in his ear, though it was loud enough for Zoe to hear; "No NAMES, uncle! You'll compromise operational secu…"

The older man cut him off in the same voice that suggested he was chatting in a bar rather than buying illegal substances, "Calm down now, Danny, we're buying a little black-market booze. Not plotting to bring down the Alliance!" He turned to Zoe and Mal, theatrically rolling his eyes, "Operational security! Are you hearing this?"

Mal raised his eyebrow. He had been expecting to be meeting hardened elements of New Oceania's criminal underworld, not… this.

"I can't help but agree with your friend here mister Zao, in this business knowing too much can have unpleasant repercussions." Mal said evenly. "An' for the record, we ain't Badger's people, he just hires us when he needs somethin' moved. I don't like associating with him if possible myself."

Zao just smiled, interlocked his fingers and placed them on his stomach. "I don't see the issue sir, selling us out, as they say, to the so-called authorities would merely raise questions about your involvement in this business. Mutually assured destruction and what have you. But if you insist, we'll get down to the, ah, business. Speaking of which, there is a conspicuous lack of my product anywhere in sight!"

Mal was now amused by the man's lack of experience in doing business with less-than-law-abiding folks. He wouldn't be surprised if he had all the money on him right now. Making him an easy target for someone who wanted the money but didn't want to give him his goods.

He tried not to chuckle as he spoke, "We were unsure of how this business might turn out an' wanted to get a read on you 'fore making a deal. The goods are close by with my crew, if you've got the cash, we can deal."

Mal produced a communicator and summoned Jayne and River. As he did so Zao drew out a small bag from his jacket pocket, it clinked and both Mal and Zoe nearly fell over in surprise, _never let the other guy know where your pretty is until the last moment!_

Zoe was now looking amused too and shot Mal a look, jerking her head at Zao. Mal knew her well enough to know she was asking _is this guy serious?_

Mal rolled his eyes and shrugged slightly, _more things in heaven and earth…_

….

River and Jayne coasted to a halt at the entrance to the alley, Jayne hopped off the mule while River remained behind the controls in case a quick exit was necessary.

The big merc began unloading the crates and boxes of beer, whiskey and the rest in the finest of drinks to make a body blind, while Zao and his nephew made a cursory inspection to make sure it was all there.

_At least they aren't _entirely_ clueless._ Mal observed.

Zao took his own communicator out and called up his transport, which soon arrived in the form of a young woman driving an ATV with a large trailer in tow.

Jayne gave the new arrival a cursory leer but kept his mouth shut.

Zao hooked his thumbs into his braces and smiled at Mal, "I must say captain, this shady exchange in a back alley at night gig is a lot less troublesome than I was led to believe. I was expecting there to be threatening and possibly the brandishing of weapons!"

Jayne gave Mal a look that suggested he was seriously considering rolling the man right there and then, if only to teach him a lesson. Mal gave him a warning look and he went back to putting the boxes in the trailer.

Mal decided to give Zao a short lesson in criminality; he nodded at Zoe, then at Jayne. As one they all drew weapons, Mal's pistol between Zao's eyes, Jayne holding a submachine gun on the young man and woman loading the trailer and Zoe moving around to take the bag of money off Tsao.

Tears started welling up in the young woman's eyes and Mal took this as his cue to holster his weapon, Zoe tossed the coin back to Tsao and Jayne slung his weapon around his shoulders.

"Mr Zao," Said Mal. "You are extremely fortunate that it was me an' mine who Badger paid to do this job cos if just about any other decent criminal I know of was doing this deal you'd all be dead and they'd have left this rock by now."

Zao opened his mouth but no sound came out, the sound of fast breathing made him turn to the trailer where the younger pair were sitting on crates, hyperventilating.

Jayne looked highly amused, Zao looked from his companions back to Mal. "I… suppose I should thank you for not murdering us all and giving us a few… pointers."

"Next time, have a plan." Said the captain simply.

…..

Simon was in an all-night pharmacy in the bustling dockside, far from the quiet, dark backstreets where the others were doing business less legal than what he was currently engaged in.

"Laprocilin is cheap as dirt! You can't tell me you can't spare a crate!" He argued with the pharmacist, who was reluctant to sell him a good fifth of her supply of antibiotics.

"I would, but at that price and the time it takes for us to get a shipment of anything out here I don't think it's worth my while." Countered the woman behind the prescription desk.

Simon was determined to haggle the woman down to his offering price, if for nothing else than to prove to himself and everyone else that he could bargain and deal like a Rimworlder and that his skills extended outside sewing up bullet holes and making acidic remarks about the extent of Jayne's mental capacity.

He cast out for something he could use, looking around the pharmacy. Like many stores on rim planets, they didn't buy most of their stock (apart from medicines) from the manufacturer; instead they bought second hand medical equipment and fixed it up. He noticed a conspicuous lack of an endoscope.

When he arrived on Serenity he'd had a large amount of medical equipment with him, including an endoscope, but Serenity's infirmary had had one of it's own. Would a piece of equipment sweeten the deal?

"I notice you're out of a few things around here…" he said, "The infirmary on my ship, I mean, the ship I work on, might have a few spare pieces… an endoscope?"

The woman looked at him over her glasses. "Hmm. I'll have to examine it to see if it's in working order, but I think that should do it."

Simon practically sprinted back to Serenity to get the old endoscope and returned to the pharmacy within ten minutes.

The endoscope, old though it was, had never actually been used and got Simon his deal. With a portion of the credits Mal had given him for the medicine left over.

He walked back to the docks with an armful of meds, mentally celebrating his success. He was going to at least earn a small amount of respect for this!

He rounded the end of the street and nearly dropped his box of medicine. In front of him were fifteen or so armed customs officers and a few men from the sheriff's office, judging by their badges. The men weren't paying attention to him, but they were paying attention to a map held up by the man in charge that showed the area Mal and the rest had gone to do their business.

Simon had recognised name of the street from when the captain had been briefing everyone on how the exchange would play out.

He did his best to act normally as he passed them, politely stepping around them and trying his best to overhear something useful.

"… got wind of some suspicious activity in this area, looks like smugglers or drug dea…"

Some relief flooded Simon; they knew something was going on, but they didn't know who was involved or what exactly was happening, which meant if he could get the word to the captain in time they could get out without being ID'd.

He picked up the pace as soon as he was out of sight of the assembled officers and once again was sprinting through the lines of ships in the dock towards Serenity.

He entered the wrong code to open the cargo bay door the first two tries such was his haste. When he finally did open the door he sprinted past Inara without a greeting and threw himself at the comms panel in the cargo bay and pressed the button to send a message to all Serenity's communicators.

…..

"Captain! You have feds coming your way!"

Mal's blood turned to ice and he scrambled to pull his comm unit off his belt.

"Doc? That you? Tell me what the diyú yer talkin' about!" _It's all going to shit, as per usual!_

Simon's breathless voice answered. "Saw feds…. Leaving docks… they don't know who you are… just suspicious activity in your area… they're armed."

"Búshí! Why can't some other Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng have all the rotten luck for a change?!" Mal asked nobody in particular.

Jayne looked rather pleased at this development. "We got incoming law?" He ventured, holding his submachine gun up in one hand and producing a grenade from his belt with the other, a hopeful look on his face.

Zoe looked at Mal and put a hand on her sawn-off, "Instructions sir?"

"Alright, everyone on the mule, we need to be as far away from here as possible." Mal brushed past Zao and hopped onto their transport, "Get set albatross!"

Serenity's crew began piling in behind their captain. Mal looked around and saw Zao arguing with his nephew and the young woman who had arrived on the ATV.

"We unhook the trailer and I stay here with it, you two leave! As long as they find this stuff and someone to pin it on they won't look too hard for anyone else!" Zao said hotly.

"We can't leave ya here Av!" Sobbed the young woman.

She reminded Mal too much of Kaylee. He sighed and batted aside Jayne's instruction to River to get them out of there.

Mal jumped off the mule and strode towards the arguing trio. "Zao, you and the girl get on my mule, we have the room. You boy," He pointed at the boy Zao had called Danny. "Where are ya taking this stuff? We'll go in opposite directions and meet you there." He had on his best captain-y no-disagreements tone.

A few protests were raised but he overrode them. "Best chance we have of everyone gettin' outta this mess without any unpleasantness."

Zao nodded and Mal gave the reluctant woman a hand up onto the mule, gave Jayne a 'don't even think about it' look and then turned to Danny.

"So, where are ya taking this?" He asked.

"My house, it's just outside town, she's a small farm, and Uncle can give ya directions."

Mal nodded and swung himself up onto the mule once again. The two vehicles sped away from the alleyway, the ATV growling and Serenity's mule barely whispering on its anti-grav drivers.

As they rounded a corner, Mal pulled out his communicator again, "Serenity, its us, someone pick up!"

Kaylee's worried voice answered almost immediately. "Is everthin' alright cap'n?!"

"We're clear of the feds, I think. But this'll take a little longer than planned cos we got us some passengers to drop off."

"Don't go gettin' yerselves pinched on us now cap'n!" Kaylee sounded a little more relaxed now.

"I don't plan on it."

….


	9. Chapter 9

_I don't own the characters. I just work here_

….

The mule whirred through the mostly deserted streets of Fenton's east side, carrying Serenity's crew and their unexpected passengers away from danger with River's deft hands at the controls.

Avin Zao had his arm around the young woman, who, it transpired, was his nephew's fiancée. She was past the point of being fearful for her betrothed and was now directing them towards the house where they had agreed to meet him.

It wasn't long before they coasted to a halt outside a small, wooden but clearly well kept farmhouse not far from the edge of Fenton. Danny's fiancée leapt from the mule before they had stopped moving and rushed towards the house, circling it and then running off to the barn. She returned with an ashen look on her face before the rest had all dismounted.

"It's not here Av! He's not back! If they've got him I swear I'll…" She ran one hand through her hair and clenched the other into a fist, breathing deeply to try and calm herself.

Avin put a hand on each of her shoulders, "It'll be alright Veronica, we were much faster than he'd be, pullin' that trailer. He'll be back before you know it."

Veronica exhaled sharply, then stalked to the fence and lent on it, staring intently down the road from the town.

Mal turned to Zao, who was gazing worriedly at Veronica. "You seem like too good a' kind of folk to be involved this business, by rights you should all should be either dead at the hands o' folk less kind than us or in lock-up. My advice to you would be to get rid of that booze and go back to whatever it was you did beforehand."

Chewing on his bottom lip, Zao avoided Mal's eye. "We… I… made mistakes I know, but I was just tasked with getting alcohol and I have no idea how this business is supposed to work you know, I'm just a sales manager in the Pan Solar Bank for crying out loud!" He threw up his arms and then let them fall limply. "Well at least I'm never going to get this job again."

Mal frowned at this, he had assumed Zao was trying to break into the illegal side of importation business, but he had what must be a well-paid middle management job in a bank? This situation was rapidly becoming nonsensical. He could see Jayne and Zoe looking quizzically at Zao as well.

"I'm a little confused here friend, why risk the lives of you and yours when you clearly don't need the financial assistance? He asked.

Sighing, Zao explained. " It was never about the money, I'm not making any profit from this at all. What you have to understand is that there are a great many people on this world who don't agree with the laws the gorram fanatics in the magistrate's office have brought in. So those of us who don't appreciate having every aspect of our lives being scrutinised and controlled have the occasional… gathering. I was asked to provide the drink."

"Why'd ya do sumpthin' that'll ee-ven-choo-ally get y'all pinched by the law?" Queried Jayne.

"Because not doing it would mean that they lost." Mal answered in Zao's place.

Jayne rolled his eyes. Zao looked sideways at Mal. "That's the best way I've heard it put, captain."

Mal just shrugged. "We need to get gone from this rock 'fore the law finds someone who can point them in this direction, we got you your stuff, I'd appreciate if you gave us ours…" He raised an eyebrow at Zao, who pulled the bag of credits out of his pocket and handed it over.

"Thanks again for not murdering us and helping us get out of there. We owe you a lot more than that." He said.

A yelp from Veronica saved Mal the trouble of a reply as the sound of an approaching engine heralded Danny's arrival into the farmyard. He had barely turned off the engine before he was practically tackled off the machine by Veronica.

Mal tossed the coin bag to Zoe, then ran to the road and scanned the darkness for any sign of pursuers. Not anxious to see if any would turn up, He ordered his crew onto their mule.

As he himself made to clamber onto the machine, Avin Zao put a hand on his shoulder. "I know this isn't the kind of invitation you're going to accept captain, but I feel that I should ask you to attend our little bash this evening."

"That's not a good idea Av, last time I was at a party there was some unpleasantness with swords and we ain't aiming to stay 'round for someone to figure out we aren't on the up-an-up. Besides, we're criminals, you're just some honest folk who like to get up to no good, we wouldn't fit in too well."

"I don't think you're quite as much of a criminal as you say," It was Zao's turn to surprise Mal. "I got a good look at that pistol of yours when you stuck it in my face. Independent army standard issue Moses brothers model B. Now there's plenty a' other handguns a man in your business would prefer, the model B is an incredibly accurate piece of equipment at range but the weight and recoil of it means you can't fire off multiple shots quickly and stay any sort of accurate as say, a LeMat like your friend here."

Jayne glanced at the LeMat in his holster, he'd had Zao pegged as a puddle of piss who'd never seen a gun from the moment he saw him. Zoe caught his eye and raised her eyebrows, showing her appreciation f Zao's knowledge as well.

They weren't the only ones, Danny took a break from having his ribcage squished by Veronica and voiced the question Mal had been about to ask. "Uncle, how in the diyú d'ya know all that?!"

"Cos I have one of those myself." Zao slowly produced a pistol identical to Mal's from behind his back. "Turns out I know too little about how to hide a gun where you can get to it quickly, takes a different set of skills to be a crook than a soldier. But I don't think you're a crook, you know all about doing something not cos you'll win, but just cos while you do, the other guy won't either, am I right?"

Mal looked hard at Zao, now that he could see his eyes and face in the light from the windows of the farmhouse he could see something that he saw in Zoe's eye, the bulletproof steel look of someone who'd seen and done the things he had. There was a small scar on his neck at the top of his collar that disappeared down under his shirt as well.

This man definitely hadn't spent his life behind a desk like Mal had assumed.

Mal sighed. "I gotta think 'bout the safety of my crew." He turned to get into the mule.

"I understand," said Zao. "but you will be missing one heck of a shindig. We head out into the desert 'bout fifty miles from town, bout sixty-five of us depending on who can make it. We always welcome new faces."

Mal was about to decline for the final time when the communicator on his belt crackled to life and Kaylee's voice floated into the farmyard.

"Cap'n, you there? We might have a problem here."

Amazed that yet another facet of this job could go wrong on him, Mal picked up the device. "Go ahead Kaylee, please tell me nobody's 'bin shot or anythin'."

"Its not that cap'n, but one of them customs men came along just now and said everyone's grounded till further notice, said sumpthin' about a possible smugglin' operation goin' on. Is everything ok on your end?"

"We're doin' just fine, we weren't followed but I don't think we can bring the mule back to the port, someone mighta' talked to the law and described us, you're gonna have ta pick us up somewhere away from town when they lift the blockade. I'll send River, Zoe and Jayne back on foot and I'll take the mule out into the desert, far enough away so's if they see ya doubling back after take off they won't be able ta catch us 'fore we break atmo and go for hard burn."

"Can do cap'n!" Kaylee signed off with her usual cheeriness.

Ignoring Jayne's protests about having to walk back to the spaceport, Mal turned to Zao. "Know anywhere sheltered n' quiet out in the desert Av? He asked.

Avin smiled. "Indeed I do captain, unfortunately it'll be occupied by yours truly this evening. Might I suggest an alternative to your plan that will ensure you have a more pleasant evening than sleeping in a hovermule?

Mal knew where this was going. "You may."

"You're crew and you come join us this evening in the desert, it's the least we can do for you after what you did for us and your crew can return to the port, come back and pick up the mule in the morning."

Mal bit his lip. "I dunno…"

Jayne overrode him with a question for Avin. "Will there be womenfolk?"

Amused, Zao nodded. "You are also welcome to help us get rid of the evidence…" He waved theatrically at the trailer filled with drink.

Jayne looked at Mal with the look of a child trying to convince a parent to buy him a toy. "Where's the harm cap'n? We've been hidin' on the ship too long, need to get out and see what's what."

Mal looked at his crew, River and even Zoe looked to be agreeing with Jayne on this one.

He grudgingly took the communicator off his belt. "Kaylee, ya there?"

"Aye cap'n!"

"Belay that last order. Get the doc and 'Nara, walk to the edge of town. We're gonna meet ya there, we made some new friends who are taking us out for the night."

Kaylee's excitement flooded down the line in a way that couldn't but make Mal's lip curl in a smile. "Ooooooh! That's just _shiny_ cap'n! How long till we see you?"

"I'd say about half an hour. Make sure no one follows ya."

"Will do cap'n, you're the best!"

Mal put the communicator down. _Someway, somehow, I'm gonna regret this…_

….

_Sorry it took me a while to get this one to you. My professors seem to think it hilarious to put every single essay deadline in the same two-week period, that is, this past week and next week. Wankers._


	10. Chapter 10

_In which (almost) everyone gets shitfaced_

_I own none of the characters, I just work here._

...

The hovermule glided lazily a foot over the scrubby bushes on the sub desert terrain outside Fenton. Occasionally one of the less vertically challenged plants scraped off the front fender because the mule was moving slower and riding a lot closer to the ground than it usually did thanks to all seven crewmembers being aboard.

This was also why Jayne was elbowing Simon in the ribs while Kaylee tried to keep her balance on the doc's lap. They were sitting in the back with Simon squashed into the space between Inara's and Jayne's seats. River perched on Zoe's lap in the driver's seat with Mal being the only person sitting in any sort of comfort in the forward passenger seat.

"How far do we have to go anyways? I'm becomin' mighty tired of sharing mah personal space with this pair prac-ti-cally goin' at it!" Jayne grouched.

Mal turned around and raised an eyebrow at Jayne. "Our good friend Av told us to follow this canyon all the way to the end, don't rightly remember him telling us how long it'd take, you'll just have to put up and shut up Jayne."

Zoe carefully leaned over to Mal as Jayne huffed and started picking at the mule's paintwork with his knife. "Sir, Zao said it'd take us half an hour from the start of the canyon…"

"Yeah but Jayne don't know that and it's more entertaining when I get to tell him to shut up." The captain muttered in reply.

Ignoring the hostility flying around the mule, Kaylee was on a high. "This is totally gonna be the most fun we've had in _weeks_, who's up for crash the spaceship? Danger can?"

Simon frowned, "I like to think I know quite a bit about drinking games from MedAcad but I've never heard of crash the spaceship…"

Jayne snorted. "Course you ain't, top three percent, milk-drinking, core bred…"

He trailed off, still muttering as Kaylee cut over the top of him, "Well everyone has three or four, or however many cans and what ya do is…"

River called out to everyone, "We've arrived."

The mule hummed to a halt in front of three men leaning against a large boulder. They all carried old shotguns and Mal reckoned He, Zoe or Jayne could have taken them all on solo, but one of the men was Danny, Zao's nephew, who grinned up at the assembly on the mule.

Mal jumped down and shook his hand, then introduced himself to the other men as the rest of the crew extracted themselves from each other and their transport, Simon nearly pitching off the back when Jayne shouldered him not-so-accidently.

"Glad to see y'all could make it, bring her in around there." Danny motioned at an outcropping of rock and River guided the mule in and gently landed it on the sandy soil.

She hopped out lightly and skipped over to the rest of the crew as they followed Danny down a gentle slope into a dried up riverbed, where there were a few wood fires lit, assortments of old deckchairs littered around them and a small crowd milling about.

The attention of the crowd was focused on the trailer of Danny's mule parked in the middle, now serving as a makeshift bar. Avin Zao and a woman who seemed to be about his age were calling out names and then passing a crate of beer, a bottle of whiskey or a case of wine to the person who had ordered it.

As they walked through the crowd they were given suspicious looks for a few minutes until word filtered around through Danny that they were the ones who'd supplied the beer and that they had helped his fiancée dodge the law, at which point glasses were raised and bottles and cans were offered.

Jayne readily accepted the offers, mostly those that came from the young women in attendance while Mal and Zoe mostly tried to brush them off, muttering about how it wasn't a big deal.

"…and then ya crush yer can off the other guy's head." Said Kaylee brightly; finishing her explanation of crash the spaceship as Simon accepted what looked like a decent bottle of Sihnonese wine.

"Sounds delightful." Simon said dryly, He was about to ask Kaylee if she had a knife to open the bottle when Jayne clapped a hand onto his shoulder.

"Can? Ya don't play crash the spaceship with no cans! Ya use bottles doc!" He gave the girl he had his other arm around a significant look. "This here's mah friend the doctor, I'm gonna show you how a real man plays crash the spaceship!"

"Well Jayne, as much as I'm a fan of blunt force trauma induced brain injuries…" Simon was about to say 'I'll pass' when he stopped and thought.

He looked Jayne in the eye. "I think I'll accept the challenge."

Jayne had been expecting the doc to chicken out and prove that he, Jayne, was the more manly man than the well-dressed, well-spoken doctor and impress his newfound friend. But he was also slightly pleased. _Maybe the doc's balls have finally dropped, either way I still get ta hit him with a bottle…_

"All right doc!" Jayne hefted a crate of twenty beer bottles from the ground at his feet. "You get ten, I get ten. Lil' Kaylee here 'splained ya the rules?"

"Yes, lets find some seats, shall we?" Simon put on a brave face and followed Jayne towards a log set alongside one of the fires. Kaylee, not sure whether to be impressed or worried about Simon's decision, trailed behind them with the woman Jayne had been trying to impress.

…

River spun, her coat fanning out behind her, she stopped, curtsied to the young man opposite her and then they both stepped forward, clasping each other's right hands with their left hands on the other's right elbow and stepped to the side. They spun once and then moved on to the next partner.

There was an old stereo beside the fire they were dancing around playing an eclectic mix of music, some, like the one she moved to now, were old tunes from earth-that-was. Others were more modern ones. River didn't really care

_The River always moves, flows, even when it meets an obstacle it flows around it. It never stops, it can't. It has to obey gravity. Gravity calls and the river obeys, when the music calls the River obeys. Is music gravity? It pulls me in, if I go fast enough I can escape but if I don't try, then I would never would. Is Gravity music? It organises the universe, makes the planets orbit, and joins matter together so that bigger things can be accomplished. Yes, gravity is music and music is gravity._

_Am I still wearing my goggles?_

River pushed the goggles she wore while driving the mule up her face as she let go of her partner's hand to spin around.

"Nice to know who I'm dancing with!" The boy called jokingly as she spun.

River missed a step. Something in her brain that didn't belong there, something somebody had _put _there flared. _He can see your face he knows what you look like he can identify you he must be elimina... _stop!_ He is not a threat! There must be no witnesses you must elimi…. He is not a threat!_

She looked around; there were people all around her, people who could _see _her.

_Breathe; engage diaphragm, draw air IN to the expanding lungs and remember that there is NO THREAT. They are telling you LIES._

She stumbled over her own foot as a kick that would have broken her partner's knee was called back and tried to fit into the dance steps.

He put an arm on her shoulder. "Watch it there! Been hittin' the sauce a little too hard?

She stared at him and then at her feet. "They forgot the step…" She backed out of the ring of dancers and then turned and ran into the crowd. She needed a familiar face.

….

Kaylee, Inara and Clara (Jayne's friend) sat in deckchairs, swigging from the bottle of wine Simon had acquired and watching Jayne and Simon chugging down beer after beer. They had started strong, downing the first four bottles each within minutes, now, Simon was finishing his seventh and Jayne was struggling to open his eighth as beer soaked fingers and a beer soaked mind made his task a lot more problematic than it should have been.

Simon pulled a face and burped as he finished the last of his bottle then reached into the crate for another. His skill with a bottle opener surpassed Jayne's and he closed the gap with his opponent.

Inara lent her chin on her fist. "I can't quite fathom why I find this testosterone fuelled posturing competition so… compelling to watch." She mused.

Clara, who was in a slightly more advanced state of inebriation than the two other women, giggled "Might be jealous cos myself an' Kay here got a say on these fine, whatcha call its, spe-ci-mens?"

Inara leaned forward to look around at her with a raised eyebrow and a serious questioning look on her face. Clara shrank back slightly and looked at her feet but Inara just laughed and took the wine bottle from Kaylee. "I'm messing honey!" She took a sip before passing it to Clara.

"Miss Serra!" Boomed a whiskey-flavoured voice. Mal crouched down between Kaylee and Inara's deckchairs. "Are you drinking a fine vintage such as that out of the _bottle? _What would they say in the companion house?"

Inara steeled herself to catch every veiled insult in anything he said.

Mal half sat, half fell backwards into a sitting position. He put down the bottle of whiskey and held up his fingers. "Drinking out of a bottle, fooling innocent, god-fearing folks and _planning_ to fool said innocent, god-fearing folks. I think you bin' hanging out on my boat a mite too long!"

Inara couldn't find any insults in there and was stuck for something somewhat nice to say back when Clara stuck her head around Kaylee with her eyes on stalks.

"You're a _Companion?!" _She looked like she was having a heart attack. "I've never even… I mean… _really?_"

Inara smiled and nodded.

Mal waded in, "A companion? I don't think that's a proper description of our Inara at all!"

_Oh here we go… _Inara thought

"This here's Inara Serra, Sword-fightin', Reaver-killin', master plannin', trickster-ing… er" Mal faltered for a moment and nearly keeled over.

Inara's eyes joined Clara's on stalks.

Mal was about to continue when he suddenly burst into laughter. Jayne and Simon had finished their eighth beers and were now stumbling around in circles holding the bottles and making whooshing noises.

"What'n the diyú are those pair…" He lent against Kaylee's deckchair to steady himself as he laughed.

"Every second drink they have to run around being the spaceship!" Said Kaylee as Simon stopped for a moment and clutched his stomach. For a moment he looked in trouble but he burped again and carried on whooshing until he had done eight rotations and joined Jayne in prying open another bottle.

The captain nearly cried laughing. Inara stared at him, not only had he _not_ insulted her but he had made her sound like a heroine from a cortex movie.

…

Zoe was talking to Avin Zao and one of his friends about the war over a quiet beer at the edge of the more raucous activities. As usually happened during these conversations, she ended up talking about the funny side of things.

"So then the sergeant, cap'n now, comes runnin' in, shootin' everthin' that moves whooping and shouting at the purplebellies to come get him!"

They all snorted in laughter and Zao slapped his knee. "I knew there was something about him!"

Zao's friend was launching into a story when hands gripped Zoe's right arm.

She looked around to see River staring up at her. The young girl's eyes were wide and she was sweating, she looked completely terrified.

Zoe turned away from Zao and steered River to a rock, which she perched her on.

"River sweetie? What's wrong?" she stared into River's face.

"They want him to be silent. But I know it's not me! They were speaking to me but then…" She trailed off, her lip quivering.

Zoe frowned. Sometimes when River spoke like this her meaning could be deduced, sometimes.

"Who wanted him to be silent meimei?"

"The lights and the rubber tubing, telling us how to manage. But he was nice and gravity was making me dance." _That's wrong, it wasn't gravity that made me dance…_

"Ok River, you're brother's a little preoccupied right now so we're going to go for a walk and you can see if that helps?" Zoe reckoned the last thing River should be around when she was flashing back to the Academy was unsuspecting people.

River took Zoe's hand. "Simon's a spaceship now." She said. "Can't talk."

They walked off in the direction of the mule.

…

Simon and Jayne drank ferociously. They were on their last beers and it looked like Jayne was pulling ahead. Neither was spectacularly drunk after ten beers but the gas in their stomachs was making it hard to go for more than a few gulps without burping.

Simon stood up as he reached the end of his and pointed the bottle straight up to funnel the last of it into his mouth. He finished, slung his head down and then straightened, saying "Well Jayne it looks like I…"

Something hit his head and there was a funny noise. Then suddenly the ground was a lot closer than usual and Jayne stood over him, holding out his hand and grinning from ear to ear. "I gotta say doc, that was closer than I was completely comfortable with, you ain't so bad at this!"

"oooooofffff…" Groaned Simon. "I thought I was… never mind."

Inara, Mal and Clara fell about laughing as Kaylee jumped up to check on Simon.

Simon took Jayne's hand and was yanked into a vertical position. He put a hand to his head; there was some blood and broken glass when he looked at it,

"Jayne if you've damaged my man I swear to god that I'll space you next chance I get." Kaylee threatened as she put her arms around Simon's neck and hugged him, trying to look at his head at the same time.

Jayne was already disappearing into the crowd with Clara, now waving a bottle of something and crowing about his victory so Kaylee guided Simon over to the deckchairs. Mal hadn't caught on to the fact that there were two free seats so he was still sitting in the dust having a drunken conversation with Inara about much of an idiot Jayne was and how awesome Sihnonese wine was.

Kaylee sat Simon down in a chair and pulled her one around so they faced away from Mal and Inara, giving them some privacy. Then pulled a cloth out of her pocket and gently put it to Simon's head.

Simon groaned again and Kaylee couldn't help but giggle. He looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "I'm a complete idiot aren't I?"

This only made her giggle more. "Ya could've picked an easier person to have you're first game of hardcore crash the spaceship with than Jayne, I have to say."

After a few minutes and a drink of water with a painkiller, Simon was feeling much better and he sat with his head in his hands as Kaylee dabbed at the blood and picked glass out of his hair absent-mindedly.

She put one hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she reached for a piece of glass and she felt the muscles move beneath his shirt. She was reminded in a flash of their forced celibacy for the past three weeks. Unless one counted the evening she'd been working on the engine and Simon had snuck down, quickly stripped her overalls off, knelt down and put his mouth on…

She hadn't realised she'd closed her eyes until she felt someone shake her arm. Simon was grinning at her. "Don't tell me you can't handle a bit of wine! Falling asleep already!"

Kaylee made a face at him, "I wasn't sleeping, I suddenly remembered that I owe you something for that present in the engine room last week…"

Simon's face reddened but he smiled and took her hand. Kaylee leapt to her feet and practically dragged him into the darkness beyond the party zone.

"Just as long as we don't run into Jayne and company out here…"

…..

Zoe and River sat on the side of the hovermule. With no other people around, River was much calmer but she was still playing with the hammer of the pistol at her belt in a slightly spooky way.

"I was afraid I was going to do what they wanted… that I couldn't fight it." She said softly. "Bullets in the brainpan."

"You're stronger and smarter than that sweetie, you know when it's happening and you came and you got me, that was the best thing you could'a done." Zoe offered kindly.

Tears started flowing down Rivers face and her fingers went from her gun's hammer to the grip. "But what if I can't some day and I become what they wanted me to be… It'd be better if that couldn't happen." She stared at the gun.

Zoe's hand reached out and grabbed Rivers chin, pulling her gaze up to meet her eyes. "Listen to me, you can change this, you can get better. You've already gotten a lot better since I first met you. While you're alive, you can change. Once you're dead, there's nothing to change."

River narrowed her eyes took her hand off the gun. Then she hugged Zoe. Not the gentle hug she'd given her on the bridge during the flight. This was the kind of hug a scared child held their parent with.

Zoe put her arm around the River's slight frame and stroked her hair. "Its alright, we're OK here."

They stayed like that for a minute, and then River let go of Zoe and jumped back. She stared down the canyon from which they had come, hand on her gun.

"What is it?" Asked Zoe, her hand drifting towards the weapon on her leg.

River looked over at her, "Party poopers."

"Law?"

River nodded.

"Well I was bored at that party anyways."

….


	11. Chapter 11

_I don't own the characters; I just work here._

_Sorry this one's so late, exams n' shit are happening. In return for waiting so long, I give you River beating the crap out of people as a peace offering._

….

Zoe and River stalked along the deserted canyon. Zoe was surprised at River's ability to be absolutely silent, she herself was no stranger to stealthy approaches but those skills came from years of war. River was barely an adult and Zoe was slightly spooked by the knowledge that the skinny girl could probably creep up on her and kill her any number of ways without making a whisper.

River was deep in concentration and Zoe's musings barely made an impression on her consciousness. _Wear the dark like a cloak; it is your friend and greatest ally. Others fear it for they know not what it hides. But you must welcome it like a comrade and it will protect you in return. You are what all others fear, the monster they cannot see._

They came up to a sharp bend in the canyon and stopped. The small stream that wound its lazy way along the canyon floor was sustaining a group of sickly-looking trees and River wormed her way into them, followed somewhat slowly by Zoe, whose slightly larger frame made her pick her path more carefully.

River found a spot where she could see around the corner and hunkered down. Zoe came up behind her and knelt on one knee, peering over her shoulder. She muttered as quietly as she could. "What do we have?"

River didn't turn her head and just whispered. "Thirteen men on a dead man's chest…" _No, wait, that's not right… _"Five minutes out."

Zoe chewed her lip, if she was interpreting River correctly even with the element of surprise she didn't like being that outnumbered. "Think we should get some backup?"

River shook her head and gave Zoe a look that even in the near-total blackness gave the older fighter the chills.

"Alright… But the cap'ns gonna kill me…"

They both sat back slightly but stayed in their hiding place, ignoring the inevitable stiff muscles that it would cause for the perfect chance to surprise their prey.

…..

Mal put his arm around Avin Zao's shoulder to support himself, someone had produced a guitar and Zao, Mal and a few other people were singing songs. Most of them Mal knew, but it seemed that every so often the New Oceanian's versions were slightly different to the ones he knew from Shadow and he got a few funny looks when he said the wrong line, which usually devolved into a good-natured slanging match over the 'correct' version of the song.

Inara giggled as she watched the captain vigorously defend his version of 'The ballad of Captain Twofingers' while tapping Zao in the chest to emphasize his point. Mal insisted that the song ended with the captain being blown out the airlock by his traitorous first mate, while Zao and the locals maintained that he was shot by a lawman.

Pushing Avin away from himself at arms length and swaying slightly, Mal put his hands over his face theatrically. "Our differences are too great! I am leaving never to return!" He stumbled away and sat down next to Inara again as laughter broke out behind him.

"Ignorant backwater protoplanet fools!" He said over his shoulder. Inara knew it was the wine but she couldn't help herself but double over in laughter.

Mal put on a mock-serious face, "What do you be laughing at ma'am?! We rim-folk might not be fancily educated like yerself but we are a proud, upstanding people!" He looked over his shoulder again and spoke loudly. "Even if some of us don't know shit 'bout cap'n Twofingers!"

He swayed to dodge an empty can aimed at his head as Inara struggled for breath, trying to calm her hysterics.

She managed to get herself to the point where she could speak coherently. "I'm just astonished that you haven't punched, shot, otherwise harmed or challenged anyone to some sort of duel yet, captain"

"Not that you know of, that is." Mal shot back mischievously. "Naaahhh, I'm pulling your leg. Reason I ain't done them things is cos of the difference between yer high society bunch and a load a' farmers and ne'er do wells getting themselves in-toxi-cated in a desert."

"Which is?"

"High society folks is always tryin'a get one over on one another or improve their place in the peckin' order. You don't get that here, ever'one's got jack shit and they know it. Sure there's fightin' but there's less call for punchin' go tsao de assholes for thinking they own my friends, see."

Inara was at a loss for words, they were friends now? She hadn't really noticed her transition from 'The companion in the starboard shuttle' to 'one of the crew' to 'Mal's friend'. She'd reckoned the only people Mal thought of as friends were Zoe, Wash and maybe Kaylee.

_Oh well, it's not something to complain about…_

…

River shifted her weight off her left leg and onto her right, Feeling the muscles loosening slightly as she almost imperceptibly shook out the stiffness that might have made her next movement slower. That movement came in the form of jumping out of the bush and slamming the heel of her palm into a deputy's temple.

_Twelve._

She ignored the man standing beside the one now rapidly on his way to the dirt, Zoe was going to take care of him, she knew and instead kicked in the knee of the one that had been standing in front of her first victim.

The man pitched to his right, his fall arrested by River's knee, which cracked off his head just above the ear.

_Eleven._

The noise was matched by the butt of Zoe's sawn-off clubbing a skull while her boot found the groin of another unfortunate lawman, She brought an elbow down on the back of his head as he doubled up involuntarily.

_Nine._

They had attacked the back end of the column of men, who had been walking in groups of three or four. Five of the Thirteen were already down before the others were aware something had happened as River twisted an arm that had been attempting to strike her face, the twist forcing the man to bend forward in a vain effort to alleviate the pain, bringing his face into the path of River's boot.

_Eight._

_Poor discipline, _River observed disinterestedly, hitting a deputy in the throat as he turned to face the commotion. _Single file or staggered formation should have been employed to negate effects of possible ambush._

_Seven._

Three of the deputies who had been walking side by side, talking, spun and began drawing their pistols. Zoe stepped forward and planted her foot on the stomach of the one nearest her as he completed his turn, using her forward momentum and a sharp straightening of her knee to drive him backwards to the ground. She swung her gun like bat, catching his head as he fell back.

_Six,_ River counted as felt Zoe's victim lose consciousness and she stepped toward the two other men. She sprang unnaturally fast and propelled her knee under the chin of the one she deemed to be the faster draw. His bottom jaw was launched into the upper and his teeth shattered and cracked as his entire head whipped backwards, spraying bloody spit into River's face.

_Five._

She landed as the man beside her brought his gun up and began aiming at her face. This was a bad idea on his part, as holding out his gun brought it within her arm's reach. Carrying over the momentum from spinning to face him, she snaked out her hand and grabbed the gun barrel. She wrenched it around through nearly 270 degrees, breaking his finger with the trigger guard. She saw Zoe kicking one in the head while she rolled inside the man's reach as he howled in pain at his mangled digit and she elbowed him in the Adam's apple, cutting off his cry and sending him to the ground.

_Three._

….

"And then the mistress of novices walks in, me still with the chopsticks in my nose!"

Mal and Inara cracked up at the conclusion of her tale. It was the first time Mal had really heard about anything about her past in a conversational manner.

"Did you get in much trouble?"

"She made me keep them there for the rest of the day, the music lessons were challenging."

Mal chuckled, "And there was me thinkin' you were born completely devoid o' a sense a' humour. They must have beat it outta ya at that school!"

Inara narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips for a moment at the slight on her Companion house, Mal didn't notice as he was enjoying his joke. She was about to defend honour of House Madrassa when she realised that she agreed, at least in part, with Mal. Learning to put the needs and wants of others above your own and conducting every social interaction with the utmost decorum had made humour something to be stamped out in a Companion.

"I have a sense of humour I'll have you know!" She protested.

"That so?" Mal waved her off. "First I've heard of it."

Inara poked him in the ribs with her foot. "Careful captain, or I'll have to accept that challenge."

"That'll be the day!" Mal snorted, but Inara was fairly sure it was a good-natured sort of snort.

"Speaking o' those of us with no sense of humour, where's that zuzhóu doc? I never thanked the bastard for tippin' us off 'bout the law, that kid's learning to keep his wits about him it seems."

"I think Simon is a little busy right now," Inara tactfully tried to dissuade Mal from going to search for the doctor, one could never be sure what the captain would get it into his head to do. "but I'm sure you can let him know in the morning how much you appreciated it."

"M'suppose yer right, 'Nara. I'm not exactly in any condition to partake in a doc-hunt right now anyways."

"Quite true, maybe I should confiscate the fine-looking bottle of whiskey that's no doubt to blame for this condition?" She smiled the mischievous smile that Mal remembered from the genesis of the plan to fool their passengers.

"What, this? Nope, I think I'm just dandy thank you very much!" He motioned theatrically with the bottle, which was snatched out of his hand by Inara as it sailed by her waist.

Mal sat up straighter. "Here now! That's completely unfair! Takin' advantage of a man when he's all tired and comfortable to steal his drink! You're gettin' more unladylike by the hour."

"Well I must say that only learned from the best in rogues and smuggling types." Inara countered.

"The best? Here's me thinkin' I was petty?"

"You have your moments…"

"Well this ain't one of 'em! Having my whiskey stolen from me and the thief sittin' above me laughing at my woes!"

Inara laughed at his theatrics. Taking advantage of this, Mal lunged for the bottle, he pulled it down but his opponent had a good grip, they tugged back and forth for a moment until Mal's greater strength dragged Inara off the chair and onto the ground.

"Mal! My dress!" She protested with mock indignation as her clothes collected dust from the dried-up riverbed.

"S'mine!" Proclaimed the captain triumphantly as he wrested the bottle from her grasp and lifted it out of reach, opening it and taking a swig, keeping one eye on Inara as she clambered into a sitting position on the ground.

"Mmmm" He twisted his mouth slightly as he swallowed the burning liquid. Inara folded her arms and looked at him with big eyes.

"Oh fine then." He held out the bottle, which she took and looked him pointedly in the eye as she drank a large mouthful. She did her best to show no discomfort as she swallowed, but as it went down she shook her head from side to side involuntarily.

"This is pretty… unrefined." She remarked, trying not to cough.

"Really? This is as good as it gets out here, though I suppose you're used to better. Sorry we ain't got such top-notch stuff out here, madam."

"She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'll manage…" She took another drink.

…

As Zoe began grappling with her next target, River flowed across the ground and drew her sword, these last three had had enough time to gather their wits and had only not shot them yet due to their comrades being in the line of fire. One was taking aim at her as she stepped towards him as the other tried to get a clean shot at Zoe around his friend, who was locked in combat with her.

_Assess options; approximately one and one half second available until target two has a shot at Zoe, target one fractions of a second away from pulling trigger…_

As her blade's tip exited the scabbard she continued the motion, whipping the weapon up from her right hip in a cross-body movement that slapped the revolver out of target one's hand. Her right leg followed the sword and met the man's knee. As he staggered she put both hands on the sword hilt over her head and brought it down on target two's gun, which left his hands and thumped heavily into the ground.

The two men blinked wordlessly at their sudden lack of weapons as Zoe broke the last man's hold on her wrist and punched him in the face, he fell backwards and lay, moaning, in the stream.

River didn't move a muscle as Zoe retrieved her gun from where it had dropped and kicked the pistols that lay on the ground out of easy reach.

"Now," The warrior woman rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck from side to side nonchalantly. "Why don't you gentlemen just turn round there and we'll make sure you don't go running off somewhere and get yerselves hurt."

Taking the handcuffs from their belts, Zoe cuffed them together back to back, then went around the small battlefield and handcuffed each of the unconscious men's wrists to one of his colleague's ankles with their own cuffs.

When she was satisfied that none of them were going anywhere soon, she met River's eyes and jerked her head back towards the party with a questioning look.

River's reply consisted of her sheathing the sword, which Zoe now vaguely recognised as the one she had acquired from the Reavers on mister Universe's moon, with some changes she supposed a blacksmith must have performed on one of their stops.

The pair began walking back up the canyon, ignoring the protests from the pair of conscious deputies.

"Feel better now, sweetie?" Zoe inquired as she noticed that River looked significantly more relaxed than she had earlier.

River just smiled, face still covered in blood and one or two pieces of tooth.

Zoe raised an eyebrow at the disturbing sight.

River slipped her hand into Zoe's as they walked. "Left canine and incisor."

"That's nice dear."

…


	12. Chapter 12

_I own none of the characters, I just work here._

_I realise this is two months… or three late, there were monkeys, terrifying space monkeys got into my room and messed up my computer. Swear._

…

The sunlight pierced Jayne's eyelids, reached into his mind and dragged him unceremoniously towards the waking world as he became aware of a weight on his stomach, as well as an unholy pain in his head.

He screwed up the courage to open his eyes and immediately regretted it as the sun peeking over the hills attacked his eyeballs. Slamming them shut, he felt around on his stomach to find out what was lying on him.

His hand encountered a head, female by the size and amount of hair, he deduced. _Always a good sign_…

He shielded his eyes with one hand and looked down at the person using him as a mattress. The hair looked familiar and he managed to recall vague memories of the previous night's antics.

Grinning to himself he carefully lifted the woman off his stomach. She made a small noise and put her head on her arm as a replacement pillow. Jayne quietly stood up and immediately felt light headed. He shuffled 'find water' to the top of his mental priorities; in front of 'find the crew'.

He picked his way somewhat unsteadily through the scrubby bushes back towards where the party had taken place, still shielding his sensitive eyes from the sun.

He nearly fell down the small slope into the dried-up riverbed and saw most of the people who had taken part last night were already awake, wrapping up blankets and sleeping bags. He liberated a bottle of water from a backpack while its owner's attention was elsewhere and drank the entire thing in one go, within seconds he felt much better and his mouth no longer felt like it was made of sandpaper.

Still on the lookout for more unguarded water bottles he wandered around until he spotted the captain, still asleep on the ground with Inara's head on his stomach. They were shielded from the sun by a deckchair and seemed to be pretty much out of it for the moment.

Jayne wondered if they had finally bumped uglies and felt slightly irritated that the only even remotely available bit of trim on the ship might now be off limits, but mostly he was just amused. This situation would surely provide some entertainment at some point in the near future.

He bent down and whipped the deckchair away, exposing Mal and Inara to the sun's glare.

…..

Pain exploded behind Mal's eyes and he jolted into a sitting position, dumping something that had been lying on his stomach onto his lap. The thing made a hissing noise and moved. Despite the pain, he opened his eyes and saw Inara, with her hands over her face, twisting around to bury her face between his legs in an attempt to escape the sun.

He heard a guffaw that could only have belonged to Jayne and glared in the general direction of the sound. "Jayne! What the hell didja do ya buntyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro?!"

"I just reckoned it were time we were underway and decided ta do ya a service by preventin' you from oversleeping." Jayne explained as innocently as he could.

Mal made a low growling noise that Jayne took as his cue to exit and he quickly made himself scarce while the captain flopped backwards onto the ground and covered his face in his hands.

It was at this stage that he remembered Inara still had her head buried just below his nether regions. He groaned inwardly and sat up again. Inara still had her face between his legs, her arms around the sides of her head to keep as much sun away as possible.

He gingerly tapped her on the shoulder but got no response other than a rather unladylike moan and something that sounded vaguely like "gehoff."

"Eh, Inara?" He asked. _Oh how the hell do these things even happen?_

He sat, wondering what he was going to do and saw Jayne sitting in a deckchair not far away. The big man was pretending to pick at his fingernails with a knife but Mal saw that he was struggling to hold back a grin and was stealing glances in his direction every few seconds.

Jayne heard a yawn from beside him and looked up from his knife, Simon was looking at him with bleary, red eyes and a questioning expression.

"Whatchoo lookin' at?" Jayne challenged.

Simon looked at Mal and Inara, then back at Jayne. "What?" he said, jerking his head at the captain and Inara.

"Don't rightly know m'self. That's what I'm waiting to find out." He glowered at Simon. "This is my spot, you go watch from somewhere else."

Mal noticed Simon wandering away but was brought back to his more pressing problem when Inara rolled over onto her back, still shielding her face with a forearm and now lying on a slightly less intimate part of Mal's anatomy.

Inara slowly sat up and looked at Mal, who tried to look as nonchalant as possible.

"Eh… Morning!" Mal said brightly.

Inara sat forward and drew her knees up to her chest. "I don't think I've had a hangover since the training house… I don't know what inspired me to do it again. Disconnecting oneself from the senses is a certain way to become unable to recognise the cardinal virtues…"

She stopped talking as a plastic bottle was placed in her lap.

"Good morning sir, Inara." Zoe stood over the dusty pair with several water bottles held under her arm, looking just as alert and ready for orders as if she had had a perfectly restful night aboard the ship.

Mal picked up the bottle she had placed beside him and saluted her with it. "What did you get up to last night? I don't 'member you being around."

"You're mistaken sir, I was talking with Zao for the most part."

"Uh huh." Said Mal amongst other groans as he got to his feet. "Well I feel mighty fuzzy in the brain which I'm takin' to mean I had a fine ol' time." He turned to face his first mate.

"Zoe?"

"Yes sir?"

"To the best of your knowledge, did I at any stage perform or take part in an'thin that could be interpreted as a marriage, civil union, matri-monial ceremony or the likes?"

"No sir."

"Excellent. Exceptin' anyone claiming I'm married to 'em gather everyone at the mule and we'll be on our way off this dirtball."

Inara stood up, brushing reddish dust from her dress. "If this stains I'm taking the cost of having it cleaned out of this month's rent, captain, which will probably mean I wont be paying you anything for the next two years."

"And a crying shame it'll be too, rust just doesn't go with your eyes." Mal deadpanned.

Inara shot him a mock glare as Jayne, Simon and a ragged-looking Kaylee trudged toward them shepherded by Zoe.

They fell into a rough half circle around the captain, Kaylee leaning on Simon's arm for support.

Mal examined his crew as best he could, he thought on issuing a light tongue-lashing for getting themselves into such as state but knew he'd be called out as a hypocrite of the highest order if he did.

As he started to wonder where the hell his moonbrained pilot was a large shape blocked out the sun and a hot wind whipped the sand around them into a cloud.

Turning and squinting through the stinging rain he saw a familiar brown ship set down a short distance away to the sound of whirring servos and more than a few creaks as the cargo bay ramp lowered.

Without the energy or will to shout about no one respecting his captaincy, he led the hungover troop to the door and tapped in the code.

As he counted heads going in the door Avin Zao appeared at his shoulder, red-eyed but grinning.

"When I said you could help us get rid of the evidence I didn't mean you could try and do it all yourselves!" He said over the engines.

"Sorry? Didn't quite catch that!" Mal put a hand to his ear theatrically and leaned in towards Zao.

"I seriously doubt we'll be seeing you 'round these parts for some time, if at all, captain Reynolds." Zao said, offering his hand. "Though I don't think anyone around here will be able to put two-and-two together and come up with your lot."

Shaking the offered hand, Mal smiled. "Better safe than sorry when it comes to bein' recognisable."

"I'm sure." Zao chuckled. "Good to meet you, Captain." He turned and began to saunter through the kicked up sand to be out of the way of the thrusters.

"Y'all take care now." Called Mal.

Zao threw up a hand in acknowledgment as the airlock door was pulled closed and the ramp began to rise.

….

River let go of the joystick as Serenity left New Oceania's gravity and leaned back, flicking a switch with her big toe as she did so to turn on the autopilot.

The smell of coffee heralded the arrival of the captain onto the flight deck. Unconsciously she gleaned that Inara had made it especially for him as soon as they got on board, but he didn't know that.

"What're you smirking over?" He asked, flopping into the co-pilots chair fiddling with the comms readout.

"Ignorance is, in this case, not bliss" Was the cryptic reply.

"Course it ain't…" The captain muttered.

_I suppose being respected an' getting' straight answers is too much to ask for on my own boat._

He decided not to go down that road with his pilot, not that he'd have been able to get his head around half of what she'd come out with if he wasn't hungover and tired.

"So how come ya decided to go down to the dock all by yer lonesome and fetch Serenity for us?"

"Bored."

"Uh huh. I would appreciate if next time you'd seek my permission before you take off in _my _boat and proceed to fly her all over a rock you ain't never flown over before."

She stuck out her tongue.

"That's what I thought." He took a sip of his coffee. "Mmm?" He looked at it suspiciously.

Cinnamon." Said River, looking at him sideways with one eyebrow raised.

"I see…"

The captain stood slowly and drank some more from his mug, staring out at the void, then pulled out a small glass jar and set it down on the console in front of River.

"Camphor and tea tree balm?" She began to ask, but she suddenly realised what it was for.

"Might want to put some of that on your knuckles and elbows, they can ache for a week after a good tussle. Give it ta' Zoe when yer done and don't let yer brother know what ya do for fun, I'll never hear the end of it "

He made to walk down the ladder.

"How?" asked River softly.

"Zoe had some bruises on her knuckles and there was a little sumpthin' red on her boots this mornin'. Y'all disappeared 'bout the same time last night an' New Oceania's port authority put out a bulletin about some assault on their boys around the same time." He jerked his thumb at the comms unit he had been looking at. "That pretty much spelled it out for me."

River nodded.

"An' besides," Mal added as he slowly negotiated the ladder whilst trying not drop his coffee. "Ya still got a tooth or sumpthin' stuck in yer hair, give the helm to Kaylee or Zoe and take a shower."

River pulled the offending object from above her ear and rolled it between her fingers. Then she flicked it at one of the lockers in the corner of the bridge, it sailed between the metal grill and rattled around inside. Jayne stored ammo and a few other things in there. Maybe he'd find it sometime.

She looked out the window and watched one of the larger stars visible out the window. She vaguely recalled that the people of Earth-that-was had named it Tau Ceti.

She folded her feet under herself and rested her head on her knees. She thought back to the skirmish in the canyon, it was the second time she had fought to help her friends, the second she'd ever fought because she actually wanted to instead of being forced to do so.

She had taken what had been forced upon her and used it for herself. No one was ever going to take it back.

…


End file.
